Match reports February 5 2011

The 1st XI produced their performance of the season to win 3-2 at Southampton with ten men, ending a run of three successive defeats; the Ladies remain second in Surrey Division Two with an excellent 3-1 win at Merton, avenging their only pre-Christmas defeat; the 3rd XI eased into mid-table comfort with a 7-2 victory at Barnes, but the 4th XI's relegation worries continue after a 2-4 loss at home to Woking.



Southampton 2-3 1st XI
Without a doubt, the best result for many years and character by the bucket loads.

Due to injuries and three unavailabilities for other reasons Tim Thorpe stepped up along with Ross Kingsnorth and Tissy to give us a mere 11 players - or so we thought. Sadly we had a no show, second time this season, and not a word of apology to any of us.

Be that as it may and putting the disappointment to one side we outplayed the home side in the first half, who had 13, to sneak a 2 - 1 lead. Hunts slotted a stroke after 15 minutes following a magical run by Woody who won the stroke as his shot entered the goal, were pegged back by a well taken reverse stick shot from Southampton's only attack in the first half and snuck ahead when man of the moment Cookiey cleverly deflected the ball home with the last touch of the half. I never thought I would use the word clever when talking about Cookiey. He showed us the meaning of commitment, playing through the pain of a hernia or pregnancy without a grumble and was once again up there challenging for Man of the Match.

No question we tired in the second half but although we were pressed deeper in our half, Southampton were unable to make the most of some really good chances although Ross made a wonder save when faced with 3 on 1. What we thought was an unlucky award of a stroke against us with eight minutes to go, following Tissy's unnecessary, but have to say, deserved yellow card, was put home and Southampton sniffed victory. Remarkably we stepped up a gear on empty tanks, Tissy came back on, we forced a couple of half chances and then a short corner that was the last play of the game. The German worked again and we took the points.

The last few weeks of the season have to see us at the top of the club change our level of commitment to ensure players do not drift away over the summer. A task force will be set up to hit this face on and ensure that we do not go into games with 11 players per side, but in our case only 10 ... David Knapp

Merton 1-3 Ladies XI
I think it’s fair to say there were some nerves ahead of our Merton re-match. These weren’t calmed when a garbled phone call from Philly 40 minutes before push back lead to Goalie rushing off to rescue her from ‘somewhere on the roadside in Tooting’ after her car broke down!

Despite these distractions, we had a good warm up and Philly/Goalie appeared with minutes to spare. We started off brilliantly, pushing up against the oppo with the first 10 minutes or so spent solely in their half, it really looked like this match was ours for the taking but then something happened and our nerves kicked in & Merton picked up on this. They got some good passes through, leading to several straight runs into our D. There was even a one on one with Jules but she kept her cool and the shot at goal went wide.

With Goalie barking at us from the sidelines, we got our heads back into the game. A rebound shot in the D from Emma and an unlucky deflection from the oppo lead to an own goal on 27 minutes. This gave us the boost we needed and seemed to shake the oppo with the last few minutes of the first half spent back on their side of the pitch. We really wanted to win this one and it began to show.

The second half was full on from the start. Despite some physical tackles we didn’t drop our guard this time and Nikki scored a fantastic second goal, aided by some great passing between Philly and Michelle. The oppo were really hot on taking their free hits very quickly so we had to stay switched on the entire time, despite beginning to flag towards the end. We won a short corner and Philly made a quick deflection in from beside the goal post (something that is drummed into us at training!) taking us to a well earned 3-0. In the last few minutes the oppo got a goal back but thankfully the final whistle blew soon after.

Merton were a tough but fair team to play, they don’t hold back on their hard tackles (with one player even taking out Jules!) but we had a really good game against them.
Emma Varley

A footnote, more of a question. Given Tooting & Mitcham FC, the home for Merton, is in what might be described as a built-up area, how come the whole place smells like a farmyard?

2nd XI 4-8 Bank of Boks
With success comes confidence, but when you're struggling then it's hard to turn the tide. Suffice to say we were 3-2 up at half time and had created enough chances to have had a much bigger lead, so much so Eds Copleston, in town from new York for the day, was already taking the plaudits for the win. Then the nerves set in and it all went pear-shaped and we collapsed. There were enough signs to suggest all is not lost, but the revival is likely to be to enable us to play in the division below. Andy Selby said on Thursday we had 15, and so he released two to the 1st XI. On Saturday morning he had two cry-offs, albeit with good reasons, leaving him with the bare XI. Our visitors had plenty in reserve, so much so at at one point is was rumoured there as many as two non South Africans on the pitch.

Barnes Beavers 2-7 3rd XI
Report to follow

4th XI 2-4 Woking
Report to follow

Match report October 23 2010

The 1st XI maintained their unbeaten run and went second with a 3-1 win over bottom side Southampton, all three goals coming from Rory Alexander. The 3rd XI had an entertaining 1-1 draw at home to Barnes Beavers while the 4th XI continued to find the going hard with a 1-2 loss to Woking. The Veterans won 2-1 at St Albans.

1st XI 3-1 Southampton
Click here for photos
Another bogey side to conquer and conquer we did. We took the opportunity to blood Dan Marshall for his first league game at 16 and with Ross in goal at 20 we reduced our average age by some distance with Gavin and Rippers unavailable.

The first part of the match was very scrappy, neither side playing with any pattern or cohesion and the away side had the better of the first 10 to 15 minutes although neither side created anything in the way of chances. 2 Jonny Hunter short corners were dealt with very well by the Southampton keeper who had 2 good displays against us last season. As the half wore on we began to dominate in midfield and justly went ahead when Rory squeezed the ball home mid way through the half. Jonny could have made it 2 with a deflection that went narrowly past the post but he made amends when a powerful run and firm cross was deflected home by Rory.

On occasions we chose the wrong option in the final quarter and so did not add to the scoreline until early in the second half when a Knapp shot was saved by the keeper only for Rory to complete his hatrick by popping home the loose ball. Handbags at noon followed shortly afterwards between Rory and Knapp and although having chances did not add to the 3 we had scored. Instead we seemed to work on the basis the game was won and took our foot off the pedal, becoming sloppy with our passing and running off the ball. We allowed Southampton a consolation goal, their converting their penultimate short corner beating Ross at last following his making a number of top saves.

Highlights of the day were the impressive performance of debutant Dan after a shaky first 10 minutes, a very effective performance in goal by Ross and the constant running of Cookiey throughout the 70 minutes. Rory announced his intentions by scoring 3 but as a team we do have to be more aware of our options all round the pitch to ensure that we do not allow teams back into games. The main disappointment was Danny P's twisted ankle that will hopefully not keep him out for next week.

The next two matches are against Bournemouth and Havant 2s, both of which are huge games. David Knapp

Bank of England v 2nd XI


3rd XI 1-1 Barnes Beavers
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It was a frustrating game, even though the result felt like a loss as we trudged from the pitch. Copious chances to put the game out of sight were missed. Jock seemingly more interested in not getting his new magic stick chipped managed to blaze one just past the top right hand corner! Close but no cigar. Aside from the chances missed it was a much improved performance coming on the back of two abject defeats, decent hockey was played. Dunx and Chris holding the middle of the park well, with Alex twisting and turning up front made for some cracking stuff. A special mention should go to Nige for some outstanding goalkeeping yet again. All in all if we play like that for the rest of the season then we should do ourselves justice in this league. Chris might actually score one too. Chris Bents

Woking III 2-1 4th XI
It was a bright and crisp Saturday afternoon as the 4’s prepped for the start of the game. The impending clouds both literal and looming, did not dampen the enthusiasm we started the game with.
Without doubt it was a solid start, with some great interlinking play, one touch passing, triangles, movement up the wings and finally a raft of Penalty Corners. We dominated the field for the first 20 minutes, and certainly had our chances to open the scoring.
As it was Woking were quick on the counter, and broke through eventually with a ball whipped into the D, through a melee of players, and deflected into the air. Fubs stopped the initial travel, but it sneaked through past my air, and with a spin and drop I was half an inch from getting enough of my stick on the ball to stop it rolling over the line.
Undeterred we forged on, not losing our heads, tackling well, passing firmly and fairly cleanly. Woking’s big hit 16 approach allowed us to pick a few off, which eventually got one to Bish just in their half which he skilfully ran up the right wing. A solid ping into the D, met by Howard’s shot deflecting it up into the net. 1-1.
As the rain fell the clouds loomed!! As we neared the 30 minutes Woking began to attack more cleanly, with some fast forwards picking up loose balls. Solid defensive tackles from Kevin, Crumby & Nick stopped the majority.

Sadly their umpire then saw something that at least 4 OC players in close proximity did not. A shot played in toward the D which a Woking player tap turned and followed.
The OC’s did not challenge or chase it as it had run away from the Woking forward. Fubs let it run it course into the goal, at which point the Umpire whistles and signals a goal.?!?!?!?

His eyesight is obviously far superior to the players on the pitch, including the Woking forward who was made no initial celebration gesture or clamour, so a bulk order of bottle bottom thick magnification specs has been requested for the remainder of the season.

Despite a positive half time team talk, and a second half which had us tot up as many Penalty Corners in this game as the whole of last season, we simply could not score. A few more interesting whistles were added, with a PC awarded against OC for the ball being stuck under Fubs, when it wasn’t, and he can only signal a decision, and a PC not awarded to OC when their Keeper was blatantly lying on the ball!!!
Defeat softened by Smiths version of Heston Blumenthal’s Lemon Tarts, helped to sweeten an otherwise sour taste. Nigel Smith

St Albans 1-2 Veterans
With an availability of only 9 definates and 1 probable on Thursday night including 2 good lads living North West of London helping us out and with the oppo providing the two umpires this looked a tricky fixture.

Delightedly with Dave 'QC' Burles making a late dash from Wales even though he has scored his annual brilliant goal already this year and Richard turning up we had 11 good men and true take to the pitch in this northern outpost of the London league.
Even Tim Green turned up 'early' with 2 mins to spare!

Sadly this chipper turn of events was not to last. St Albans scored early and then our stalwart full back Matt Speers bent down to bravely stop a shot on goal and took one for the team......in the chops leaving him with an impressive shiner and leaving claret all over the pitch. Much as he wanted to continue he was persuaded to slap on the steri strips ( Andy Eve has taken to keeping a large supply handy now given our form for needing these things) and watch the rest of the game where his constant encouragement and noise more than made up for his lack of participation on the pitch.

So down to 10 and 1-0 down. Not looking good.

Enter El Presidente Peter Shanks who had clearly decided that he was due for the game of his life. We lost count of the number of shots he stopped but one short corner..........and they had a few........ must be mentioned. I think the defence had given up after the first block but Shankey boy got up and stopped the next shot as well... and the next and then the ball went of the pitch. Nothing would get past this brick wall. There were no lucky f**ckers today!

I should add that whilst this game defence was going on...and mention must be made here of the fabulous efforts of Richard Wheatley and Wade Pollard for repelling almost every attack ... Just letting the odd few attacks pass so Shanks could get a good game, that men were falling down like flies through injury.

Peter Stoughton-Harris pulled up like a lame horse with a hamstring but gamely continued to make a pest of himself at left wing. Dave B did his calf but continued to hold firm in his trench at right back. The rest of us just got knackered chasing the ball but a strange thing happened in the 2nd half. I think the oppo lost heart and just thought that they would never score.

Enter stage left our wonderful skipper and general good egg Andrew Eve!

We managed to get a short corner. If fact I think we had 3 in the game and the less said about Jon Gray's pass out the better as it missed the writer by more than 5 yards!

Fortunately the A team were back to their brilliant best with Eve receiving the ball and rifling.....ok topping the ball into the net to get the score to 1-1.

But did we stop there..oh no.

Yet again getting the ball from defence, the ball was worked to our hamstrung left wing then on to the absolutely tireless Tim Green up front who passed it back to the skipper on the top of the D who really did rifle this one into the net.

Hockey, bloody hell ... eat you heart out Fergie. You have no idea mate.

We managed to hold it together for the last couple of mins and couldn't stop smiling after the game. How did we do that? I'm still smirking like a Cheshire cat writing this. Tommy Trinder

And this was a match so good that David Burles also filed a report!

Gordon Shanks, that’ s what we call him. We all remember Banks from the 1970 World
Cup and his wonder Pele save (we in the Vets can sadly recall it from living memory) but he has nothing on our Pete. Read on …

We pitched up at St Albans unbeaten. We were eleven good men, strong and true – for
about ten minutes. First Matt Speers departed with a smashed eye, looking for all the
world as though he had been ten rounds with Tyson. We were down to ten men. Then
Burles’ calf packed up midway through the first half (now 9 ½ men) and then Pete
Stoughton-Harris suffered a hamstring followed by a split and bloody shin (effectively we were now 9 men). The only miracle on the injury front was that Tim Green, that master of the 90 second appearance followed by 88 ½ minutes crippled on the sidelines, survived the game and indeed played with undying spirit and to great effect for the whole match.

In the midst of our casualty list St Albans sliced us open early in the first half. It looked ominously easy – a few crisp passes with their inside left flicking the ball deftly over the keeper into the net. 1-0 and we were rocking.

A few minutes later and they opened us up again, our back five spectators as the ball
pinged to their three strikers, lining themselves up. A goal looked inevitable but not with big Pete in ‘ they shall not pass’ mode. The ball was smashed to the middle of the goal only for Pete to get a good foot on it but alas it rebounded to St Albans striker No 2. Smash and Pete goes down again to keep out another, falling to the ground to defend the goal. The OC defenders look on admiringly but again the ball falls to an orange shirt. Surely a goal is now inevitable, but no, Pete springs up and manages to lunge out a foot to knock the third strike out for a push. This was stirring stuff and it galvanised us (sort of). We struggled to half time a goal down, but a one goal lead is never enough, as the wise old heads had been saying in the changing room as they reflected on the Tring game.

Our back five looked solid enough, Richard Wheatley performing heroically. Tommy T
was ever-strong, Wade tackling heroically and down the right the old ‘ axis of evil’ Gray, Hothersall and Burles got some crisp movements going. The tide turned.

Eve quietly converted a penalty corner and suddenly it was all possible. With Matt
bellowing encouragement from the sidelines and big Pete making save after save we
began to believe. Sure enough Eve struck home a second and St Albans heads went
down. We battled to the end, claimed the three points and carry on unbeaten. It was a fine match, we played well – both as a team and individually, but none played better than big Pete. We left grinning.

Match reports October 9 2010

A battling 4-3 win for the 1st XI maintained our good start, but we had to fight back from being two goals down inside five minutes. The Ladies also kept their 100% record with a thumping 5-0 win over Purley Walcountians, but elsewhere it was not so good. the 2nd XI also kept their 100% start, losing 0-4 to Barnes, the 3rd XI lost 2-4 at Spencer, and the 4th XI 1-3 at home to Oxted. The Vets drew 2-2 at Woking

1st XI 4-3 Reigate Priory
Click here for photos
Sandown Park is a few hundred yards from TD and we may as well have been there for the first 10 minutes as we were not at the races in this game from the off.

Our warm up was disjointed and sloppy with us not in any way being cocky but for some reason phased as a result of last week. Against a Priory side who have threatened at the top of the league for the last 2 or 3 years we were always going to face a tough task and we were completely bossed for the first 10, losing 50/50 balls and being forced into errors due to their higher tempo of playing and physicality with our being unused to this. Good play saw the away side take a 2 goal lead with a couple of soft goals from our point of view as Priory capitalised on our failings. The second goal followed an excellent save from Goalie but the rebound was popped home, the away side reacting quicker than us to the loose ball.

However we recognised this and got stuck in forcing a couple of shorts and open play chances with Gavin a constant thorn in their side forcing some shorts and stretching the opposition. By half time we had done enough to give us a great deal of hope and belief.

2 down at half time was converted into a 3 - 2 lead 10 minutes into the second half with Gavin scoring 2 and Woody one, Gavin's from open play and Woody's from a well worked corner. Our play in this period was exceptional and we tore them apart.Priory were not to be out done and forced their way back into the game and won a corner that was converted at the second or third attempt as we failed to clear the ball off Goalie's pads following his making a top save from the first corner. All credit to Priory who sensed they were not out of the game and were determined to fight their way back into the match and at 3 - 3 sniffed the chance to win.

Surprisingly for a side as good as Priory their discipline then let them down with a number of negative comments towards the umpires and this eventually cost them as they went down to 10 and then 9. The first card followed our being awarded a stroke for a clumsy tackle on Gavin that Jonny Hunter despatched to put our noses in front and the second for some back chat. Priory pressed us for the last few minutes but we held out without their threatening our goal. This was a really good game of hockey and Priory gave us the wake up call we required playing a brand of hockey against us that we have not experienced for a number of years

This was a big win especially as we only had 11, including the retired manager, as Rory failed to show which is totally inexcusable and was a major factor in our shocking first 10 minutes. We have to avoid playing as lacklustre as we did in the first 10 and become more professional in our match preparation but 2 wins out of 2 including this one against an opposition of the quality of Priory is a huge start to the season. Guys not turning up does not help. David Knapp

Ladies XI 5-0 Purley Walcountians
A good win against a young Purley Walcountians side who paid the penalty for not having anyone able to hold onto the ball in our half of the field. We started slowly but it soon became clear that our defence was solid enough, and once the midfield and forwards woke up, there was only ever going to be one result. The killer goal, the third, came ten seconds before half time, but to their credit Purley kept battling, never allowed us to cruise, and their goalkeeper produced several good saves. Our passing was good as was running off the ball, and so controlled was the performance that Helen didn't swear once.

Barnes II 4-0 2nd XI


Spencer Hurricanes 4-2 3rd XI


4th XI 1-3 Oxted
In preparation for a new season, I always recommend a trip to Waterstones. Whilst some of my well-intentioned team mates favour running, cycling or swimming, I have found that a thorough perusal of the latest top-shelf best-sellers from Messers Ramsay, Oliver and Lawson furnishes one with a more than satisfactory arsenal of culinary inventions to impress one’s captain and fellow team members.

After dispensing with four-letter-man Ramsay as being a little colourful for my purposes, I also gave short-shrift to Jamie Oliver as being a little obvious. I finally decided on Nigel Slater, who’s approach to cake is relaxed, unfussy, yet undeniably smart and modern, indeed a perfect tonic for this, our second game of the season.

If you crave incredible flavours created from interesting, quality ingredients, then Slater’s vibrancy, diversity and assimilation of ideas and influences from all over the world is just the ticket.

For my chocolate fudge nemesis creation, I was searching for a texture and consistency that was moist but hearty, decadent but unfussy. For colour and hue, nothing less than an earthy, rich festival of chocolate was worthy of my task. For flavour, I had set my sights sky high. Taking Heston Blumenthal at his most literal best, I opted for experimentation, attempting a synthesis of nougat and vanilla, rich Bourneville chocolate and Grand Marnier.

However, at 10.30 on a Friday night, I had to settle for a Marks and Spencer packet cake mix. And what the cupboard lacked in essential ingredients, it made up for in strong liquor not to mention hundreds and thousands handily in OC colours. Nice touch.

And the result?

Simply delicious.

Chocolate Fudge Nemesis. Done.

Woking 2-2 Veterans XI

Match report October 2 2010

Woking 0-3 1st XI
A great performance that led to a good win to kick off the league season against a Woking team who had an excellent set of pre season results, winning all and only conceding one goal in the bargain. We set out our game plan and were rewarded for playing efficient and crisp hockey after a first five minutes in which Woking had the balance of play. Plenty of positive talking from the back and the best performance from Rippers since joining the OCs saw us dominate the midfield and snuff out any danger from Woking.

Soaking up the Woking pressure enabled us to draw out their defence and exploit the space created which in turn enabled Nick Lewis to score two superb goals to put us two-up at half time. The first was a training ground move our transferring the ball from the back into the right hand corner where Gavin set up Nick who slapped the ball home. The second was more of an individual effort with Nick smashing home the ball just inside the far post from the top of the D. Gavin nearly added a third when a bit of outrageous skill set up Gavin whose shot was taken off the line.

Cato marshalled the defence superbly, ably assisted by Goalie making his first appearance for nearly 10 years, with our midfield four also excellent. Jonny H was a colossus in the middle with Rippers and caused all sorts of problems when moving forward.

Not to be outdone Woking forced a short corner with the last move of the half and in what proved to be an important passage of play the corner and the four following corners were all kept out.

The third goal was always going to be crucial and again, although Woking pressed hard they created little and played into our hands by over using their playing coach Dooley burrowing further and further into one area rather than changing direction. Andy Pike found a number of excellent positions but never received the pass that he required. Our third goal was again a swift counter and a top draw reverse stick cross by Jonny found Gavin who dived and deflected home with 17 minutes to go. Woking still pressed forward but were still unable to break down our defence and we should have added at least one more with the final pass when the home side were stretched going begging.

Woking are a young side and will have their day but this Saturday experience counted and we ran out the winners. Goalie had the last say with two remarkable saves at the death to ensure we kept a clean sheet.

A good display from Rob and Tony as well who umpired a hard game that they let flow throughout. Reigate Priory next week in what will be a tight league. David Knapp

Ladies XI 2-0 Tulse Hill & Dulwich
The OC ladies made a great start this weekend against Tulse Hill and Dulwich with a 2–0 win at home.
With a squad of 13 and several new players this season, the ladies were out to prove themselves after just missing out on promotion last year.

The first 15 minutes were shaky but once we settled, the passes began to flow and in the final minutes of the first half our play was rewarded with our first goal from Jax.

In the second half the ladies remained strong giving the opposition no chance of scoring. Although our lack of fitness began to show with the extra players and a brilliant team effort the second goal was slotted sweetly home by Michelle securing the win for the ladies. Sarah Mann


Reigate Priory 1-1 4th XI
After a shock wake up call to the new league during the first match last week the 4’s were determined to play to their potential in the 2nd match.

Still missing several key players due to injury, paternity leave and other commitments the team assembled at Reigate school. No substitutes were available and for many this would be the first match of the season. It was clear that the incentive of Mrs Archer’s post match home made Rocky Road was required for us to stand any hope of seeing points.

Kindly Chris Bents spared some valuable time away from the Ronseal sponsored tanning booth, where he had clearly spent the morning brushing up his fake mahogany “David Dickinson-esque” glow to umpire the game.

At push back the team nervously found their formation and slowly the passes started to come together. The opposition were on the whole younger and faster but we started strongly. Captain for the day (Grant Archer) continued to moan about his lack of fitness and remnants of a lost voice and blocked nose, but his forced 11 man formation started to click.

Some reassuringly solid defending was required and the back 3 of Bishop, Crumby and Smith did not disappoint, halting wave after wave of Reigate assault. A few long balls were used to counter with Jamal and Dom surging forward a causing a few issues for the Reigate defence.

Debutant Richard got stuck in with some perfectly timed jab tackles, competently filling the still absent new father Harmer’s boots. Eventually Reigate managed to make headway and convert a shot past the buoyant and rejuvenated Nigel Smith – who made some splendid clearances with his kickers right through the game.

So 1-0 to Reigate at half-time. The team re-grouped and Grant tried his best to rally the troops – Harmer would have been proud. The second half started at a high pace and soon we were causing a few more questions to be asked from the opposition defence. Rob Jonker commanded the midfield at times, supported by Nathan with some unusual but strangely effective twisting and turning runs. After a few short corners that frustratingly just wouldn’t make their way in to the goal – Nick Jocelyn struck! It was a shot straight out of the Louis Strover “how to score goals” handbook, that sadly has been missing from the 4th team resources cupboard for a season now. (Rumour has it that it has got lost in Robin Crumby’s trophy room).

1-1 and several more chances at both ends in the dying minutes led to a closely fought battle that could have gone either way. A great point secured for the 4th team - who are looking forward to a good season. The post match the Rocky Road was consumed with relish at the side of the rain lashed pitch. Bring on next week’s match. Grant Archer


Cheam Clarets 2-5 Veterans XI
Another early start for the OC Vets as they travelled to Cheam to take on the team who had beaten St Albans with a resounding 1-5 away victory the week before, making them league leaders.

OCs found the 10am start to their liking-not- and this resulted in a stuttering start, with missed passes, poor stopping and generally unattractive hockey. Eventually however things started to come together and even the fact that some players were playing in unfamiliar positions e.g. Andy Eve at centre forward, didn’t seem to cause too many difficulties, even if some of the more ‘unaware’ players were still trying to sort out in their own minds exactly what 4-4-2, or whatever formation was being played, actually meant.

Gradually the OCs' pressure told on Cheam, who gave away a deliberate foul in the D
just before Tommy eased the ball into the goal. Unfortunately the umpire had blown
his whistle for a penalty flick before the ‘goal’ so a pf it was to be. Frustrating but there you are. Tommy stepped up to take the pf knowing that this was a deciding
moment: if he converted it would be the confidence booster that the team needed-
if he failed the team would be left feeling frustrated at what was so nearly a goal.
Without hesitation Tommy sent the ball in to the lower left corner and the OCs were
1-0 up. This seemed to be a defining moment as the OCs took a collective breath and
decided to play simple hockey, with short balls and working the ball from side to side through the midfield. Before the half time whistle went they were another goal up, thanks to Tony pouncing on a loose ball in the circle to send it past the keeper for a fine opportunistic goal. Things were not to go all the OCs way however, with Cheam scoring a well taken goal before half time to make things 2-1 to the OCs.

The OCs continued to play simple hockey after the resumption of play patiently
working the ball into the Cheam 25 and circle and it was then that Andy Eve decided
to go for a reverse stick laydown shot at such an acute angle that he was probably
more surprised than the keeper when it went in. This is not to detract though- it really was a superb goal.

By now the OCs realised that they could win the match if they played to the KISS
principle and they continued to try to do so. More OCs attacking resulted in the ball
coming across the circle to David Burles who calmly gathered it up, stepped inside
the D and then drilled it in to the far corner, giving the keeper no chance. 4-1 to the OCs- heady stuff, and so it was to prove as Cheam galvanised themselves for a quick break, leaving the OCs chasing to keep up. A despairing lunge in the D resulted in a short corner against the OCs, which the Cheam centre forward cleanly drilled past El Presidente. 4-2 and there was still time for a Cheam comeback. However, the OCs didn’t revert to form but kept their heads and continued to work the ball around using short passes. An incisive pass from Mike meant that the OCs were once again in the Cheam circle. There appeared to be nothing on but Andy Eve chose that moment to
come through to the top of the D, called for the ball and without hesitation cracked it past the keeper with a fine shot to make it 5- 2 at full time and with the OC Vets as a result heading the league.

Thanks must go to the Cheam umpire who had a superb game, and to Andrew, Wade,
Tony and Rex who all umpired. Myles Hothersall

Pre-league wobble

1st XI 1-5 Wanderers
Not the ideal result the week before the first league game but with a mix of 1s and 2s and good test for a number of fringe and new players and guys who could be called on to fill in gaps as the season progresses. A good first 10-15 minute spell saw us have the lion's share of the possession without looking dangerous and being caught on the break by an efficient and well organised Wanderers side. Wanderers deservedly ran out comfortable winners leaving us to lick our wounds against a team who have always given us a hard time, even with a full team. League action commences next week with our first mact against the well fancied Woking team on their new pitch at Goldsworth Park.

Match report September 18 2010

The league season is still a fortnight away but the 1st XI and Ladies XI turned in good performances away from home to beat Epsom and Surbiton


Epsom 2-3 1st XI
Following the creditable performance against Teddington last week we followed up with a heartening victory against Epsom who finished second in and were promoted from the league in which we play this season.

A poor warm up due to our not meeting on time as opposed to Epsom's efficient and well structured warm up not surprisingly produced a first 10 minutes where we were off the pace, Epsom moving the ball around well but without creating too much. Coops was called in to play a couple of times dealing efficiently with what came his way. As we settled in to the game we began to produce some very good hockey with Danny P and Adam Davies very effective down our left. Danny provides a completely different dimension to our play as evidenced late in the game when setting up our third goal. As it was we went in at half time 1 - 0 down, Epsom scoring their one and only first half short corner with our having had sufficient chances to be on level terms. On occasions we made the wrong choice of pass or going alone instead of making things easy but this will come in time. Disappointingly we created chances but only one corner.

In the second period we tightend up our play and allowed Epsom to play the ball around without their looking dangerous in the last quarter with our, in turn, loking effective on the break. Epsom won a number of short corners which were dealt with very well by the defence and Coops in goal but as they pressed our first goal arrived with Rory shooting home at the second time of asking. A rapid break and 1 touch hockey saw us score our second as the ball went from our 25 to the goal in 3 touches, Gavin finishing with his customary coolness. Rory added his second and our third with a top draw finish following another excellent move from our half, started up by Danny.

For the next five minutes we stopped playing the hockey that had served us well and allowed Epsom to snatch one back but for the last 5 went back to the transfer hockey we had been playing and should have scored at least one more from very good positions.

This was an extremely important result and performance with the league 2 weeks away but as always with games at this stage of the season there are a number of important aspects on which we have to work. David Knapp

Surbiton 1-2 Ladies XI
Click here for match photos
A really gutsy performance to start the season, one in which we were under the cosh for much of the first half but defended well and scored twice from defensive hits through Philly Denman and Georgie Syms. The second half was more even although we made things hard for ourselves by relaxing in the last five minutes, gifting Surbiton a goal with a misplaced pass and then having to survive a late flurry of attacks and short corners.

Match report March 27 2010

The 1st XI gained the point needed to secure the league title, beating Andover 3-2 to give retiring captain Eds Copleston back-to-back promotions to end his tenure. The Ladies bade farewell to Vikki Mottram with a 7-0 drubbing of Tulse Hill & Dulwich, Vikki and Jax Waite both scoring hat-tricks, while the 2nd XI clinched their own league place with a spirited 4-2 win at Oxted. Only the 4th XI spoilt the party, going down 1-5 at Aldershot.

1st XI 3-2 Andover
Click here for match photosEnd of an era at TD with Eds possibly playing his final home game for the 1s and David Cresswell his last as coach before he cuts his Cranleigh links in readiness for the new challenge at Radley but a day that heralded another win and the securing of the league title. Southampton drew so we are now a huge 8 points ahead with a game to play. Eds said just after the break that we had to continue to win as others would drop points but none of could have envisaged Yateley and Southampton dropping so many so quickly.

Although not a vintage performance it was enough to excite Mani Kochar next year's coach watching us for the first time and we did just enough to see off a spirited challenge from struggling Andover. This time round their keeper did not produce the heroics that kept us at bay last game but equally we did not produce as many clear-cut chances. Andover did look dangerous on the break, which is how they caught us out twice in the first half, on each occasion to draw level.

We were a little depleted with Gavin looking and feeling very off colour, Cookiey seemingly unfit but at the 11th hour indicating he could have played and the Woods away in South Africa but still had enough to win the three points on offer. In the first half we were extremely disjointed, but from our first corner Knapp rolled home only for Andover to draw level when we were caught high up the pitch. Rory deflected home Eds off-target shot to put us 2-1 up, but before the break Andover scored the goal of the game finishing off a four-touch move that carved us open.

Having quite rightly been told by DC that we looked like a bunch of spoilt bickering school boys we played with greater patience in the second half, knocking the ball about and eventually scoring via a fierce CV shot from a right slip at our last short - the correct move that had been called ahead of our last three shorts in the first half. Although less troubled by the swift counter in the second period, Andover did have a couple of half chances at 2-2 albeit our squandering a series of chances.

A 10% increase in our fitness levels will more than likely increase our playing ability by 20% and provided we set out a clear plan and strategy from late June onwards we should be confident of being able to challenge the top teams in the league above next season.

Thank you David Cresswell for your coaching that has brought successive promotions but more importantly to Eds who seven years ago took over the captaincy as we slid down the leagues, wore his heart on his sleeve for those seven years and has been rewarded with skippering two promotion sides, and thus far an undefeated side in this season's campaign. A fitting end to his leadership will be to win the last game on April 10 v City of Portsmouth and be the first OC hockey skipper to lead a league side that remains unbeaten for the whole season. David Knapp

Ladies 7-0 Tulse Hill & Dulwich
Click here for match photos
Although there was nothing at stake – we were guaranteed third place before the start – the side was as up for this game as any during the campaign, wanting to round off a superb season with a win as well as give Vikki Mottram, retiring from full-time hockey after two decades (sorry Viks) an appropriate send-off. And that they did, in some style.

Tulse Hill must have wondered what on earth was going on as they found themselves six down within 17 minutes, on the receiving end of some of the best passing hockey seen at TD all year. Jax Waite, pushed up front for the day, scored a hat-trick in four minutes, and either side of that Vikki signed off with a hat-trick of her own. Her third goal was so typical of the skills that had made her such an outstanding player, a mazy dribble that left defenders floundering and then a rifled shot past a bewildered keeper.

Tulse Hill, to their credit, kept fighting and as Goalie made constant changes – only one forced on him when Emma departed with blood flowing freely from what turned out to be a minuscule gash on her nose, another as punishment for Sarah Mann for one reverse flick too many! The defence held firm, Rosie Marriott as utterly commited as she has been all season – she has cuts, scars and black eyes that would leave Knapp wincing – and Helen Hawes determined if slightly hungover. But credit to Hels; with her husband and Zac sent away, she enjoyed a night on the tiles, a 2am fishfinger sandwich, a 4am wake-up having poured water all over herself and her bed, and yet she was still there before almost anyone.

In the second half we again dominated and could have added another dozen, but Tulse Hill’s keeper pulled off some good saves, Snoopy, Hels and Vikki fired wide from close range, and the only addition to the score came from the patched-up Emma, while Tux and May caused constant problems with their running. All in all, a delight to watch.

At the end a tearful Vikki was presented with flowers and was hugged into submission by team-mates. We have to hope her promise to play the odd game if needed will be utilised more than she has planned. She's simply too good to spend Saturdays at Tescos.

A final note. I have umpired close to half the girls’ games this season and I would like to say what a pleasure it always is to do so. Relegated last season, its was always going to be tough, but under Sarah and Goalie they have played some exquisite hockey, the occasional period of horrible stuff as well, but have always been cheerful and friendly, and their commitment to training and socialising puts the men to shame. All in all, they are a real credit to the club. Martin Williamson

Oxted 2-4 2nd XI
We finally cast aside any lingering threat of relegation with a spirited victory away at mid-table Oxted. Aside from the first five minutes in which our customary slow start saw us go one down, we actually turned in one our best performances of the campaign and ended up comfortable winners.

We went into the game with a brand new front line consisting of our youngest OC, 15-year-old Giles and Cooky (welcomed back with open arms from 1s duty), who gave us a real edge in attack. Cooky with a brace and Giles with a calmly taken penalty stroke. Our midfield was also bolstered thanks to new HR-and-recruitment-manager Tom Merry who brought in Tom Quy and the ginger Ferret. Ferret, although short of match fitness, was a clear asset, controlling much of the game either in central or the right side of midfield. He will be kicking himself for not getting on the score sheet himself after a couple of clear chances.
Thankfully we scored immediately after Oxted and were 2-1 up by the break in what was a fairly tight first half. The only other key incident to note in was an awesome hissy fit between myself and Selbs. I’m embarrassed, olive branch offered and accepted, we move on.

It was crucial to score the next goal after the break and we did after, dare I say it, a slickly-taken short corner, deflected in by Ferret. With confidence rising we started to play some pretty attractive stuff in parts and managed to pick up a fourth after a sweeping move through Cooky. To be honest if we had attacked more down the flanks we probably could have had a few more goals given their best defender was doing a fairly good job of blocking us off down the centre, but I am nit-picking. The more pressure we applied the more unstuck Oxted became and their frustration boiled over near the end with their key playmaker receiving his marching orders for sustained petulant chat. Tut tut.

We did concede towards the end which was unfortunate as we defended for the most part pretty well – especially when you factor in the nutter who was playing up front for the oppo – scary stuff I tell you. So once again well done to Jon Heard and the brothers Merry.

All in all a very good display, with our league status confirmed we must now start looking ahead to next season and what we need to do to be more competitive in this league. If we can hold on to some players and bring a few new faces in then I don’t see why we can be in the top half of the league next year.

Men of the match = ferret/giles/cookiey

Dicks – me for the hissy / Nick for getting sent off meaning Tom only got the 10 minutes under his belt. Chris Porter

Aldershot & Farnham 5-1 4th XI
An overcast day in Farnham saw the fourths struggle to find their groove. A tactical change saw Robin "usually central defense" Crumby moved to centre forward to mix things up a bit.

The first half saw the "Shots" score 2 well worked goals on the break. The second half saw injuries to Howard's ankle and Oxo's head (he hit himself in the forehead with the ball leaving a Harry POtteresque scar).

Three more goals on the break followed with only Dom managing to get a consolation goal for us. Not a great day for the fourths but all credit to a well disciplined opposition. We will contemplate our remaining fixtures whilst enjoying an easter egg or two over the break. Back to the defense for Mr Crumby ...

Match report March 13 2010

The 1st XI maintained their title push and gained promotion with a rousing 6-1 win over Southampton II. The Ladies cruised to a 2-0 win at Reigate, a result which does not reflect the one-sided nature of the game, and the 2nd XI gained a much-needed 2-1 win at Barnes. The 3rd XI fought out an entertaining 3-3 draw with Sanderstead, but the 4th XI went down 1-2 to second-place Sunbury. The Vets beat Tunbridge Wells 5-0.

1st XI 6-1 Southampton II
Another emphatic win that, with Southampton 1st XI losing, guaranteed promotion and left us four points from winning the league with three games to go.

Welcome Norman, our fifth keeper of the season, only three left in the club who have not played - could just squeeze them all in.

The early exchanges saw us forcing the play and off our game but from midway in the first half until midway into the second we played some sublime hockey during which we scored six. Hunts opened the scoring from a short corner and Rory tapped home the second following an excellent strong run from Gavin down the left that set up the goal. Our purple patch came early in the second half with four well-worked goals from Cookiey, Gavin, CV and Knapp that put the game to bed. Even when Rory recedived a yellow we did not lose our way.

For the last 20 minutes we pressed forward but did not play quite the same clinical hockey we had been playing but still created enough chances to have had double figures. The Southampton keeper made a number of saves but some of will look back at the chances we had and will say that we should have done better. Souhampton scored a consolation at the death following some very good interchange of passes themselves. The 2s also won the crucial points as did the ladies so a good day all round at the top of the club.

Woking away next week who gave us a hard game last time round so nothing for granted until we have won the league. David Knapp


Reigate 0-2 Ladies


Barnes 1-2 2nd XI
In the battle to keep relegation at bay all our games have become ‘must wins’. Able to raise a strong team we fancied our chances and despite them scoring in the first five minutes (a good drag flick from their first short corner) we retained that confidence. This was built from a solid performance at the back where we were equal to everything that was thrown at us. Meanwhile Nick Lewis, Eds Copleston (on his return from mumps), and particularly Chris Porter looked dangerous on the break – injecting pace and linking well with everyone else. Andy Selby marked their play marker out of the game and proved an effective link. Up front Andy Farquhar and Nick Phillips were effective holding up the ball and we created a number of chances.

By half time we had drawn equal and looked comfortable, but we knew the next goal would be crucial. The second half we looked even more dominant and took advantage of one of their key men being sin-binned for raising his stick above his shoulder by taking the lead. We were denied taking a further lead by some excellent goal keeping and a great save on the line after we had lobbed their keeper. An uncharacteristic moment of panic in the dying moment lead to a short corner at the death but we held firm – Tom Merry managing to get to the striker before he had a chance to shoot and JP Davidson, who had an excellent game, shelled the ball of the pitch.

It was clear from our reaction how much this game meant to us. We are still not out of the woods – we are low on numbers next week but if we play with anything like the heart and indeed the skill we will once again stand a good chance of putting more space between us and the foot of the table. Our congratulations to the 1s on their promotion - a fine achievement, especially given their promotion last year too. Rob Merry


3rd XI 3-3 Sanderstead
A very entertaining match where a draw was a fair result, and where we had to come from behind twice and survive the yellow carding of our keeper. We exchanged goals in the first half as both sides switched the ball around skilfully, but on the stroke of half time Nigel Hawes mistimed (or quite possibly knowing Nigel, timed) his slide and wiped out the Sanderstead forward. His grin said it all, but the yellow card was a minor punishment compared to what awaited him when he got home. The flick was converted, Jock was held responsible for not saving it, and we went into the break a goal down. Jock bizarrely explained he was less mobile as he had kneed himself in the face chasing a sheep the day before. No, we don’t know either.

We survived the five minutes until Nigel returned (and the ten minutes it took the Laurel and Hardy duo of Hawes and Vickers to exchange the kit) and then drew level when James Armitage, 30 tomorrow, rifled home a short corner. A moment to reflect on Armitage who alternated between the excellent and the excruciating. His goal was crisp, and there were the usual powerful runs and important tackles. There were also some dreadful passes – he got an assist for Sanderstead’s third when he gifted them the ball inside their own D from which they scored within 20 seconds as Armitage still lay on the ground berating himself. His highlight, however, was after his goal. From the restart, Sanderstead attacked and all 11 of our players crammed into the 25 to defend with their lives. Well, ten actually. Armitage was spotted on the opposition 25 posing for a photograph taken from the sideline by his fiancée.

After going 2-3 down we had our worst few minutes, clinical passing giving way to wild hitting. But we gradually rediscovered out touch and eventually our pressure paid off as the tireless Bruce, who is clearly powered by Duracel, bundled home the equaliser. A scrappy goal to beat the visitor’s keeper who had kept them in the hunt. We finished the stronger but the draw was just.

Subruy 2-1 4th XI
The two foes lined up in the well groomed pastures just to the North of the Thames. The sun poked through the clouds just prior to combat - the omens were good and the smell of revenge pervaded the ranks. The Cranliegh army, swelled by the late arrival of a platoon of reservists, lined up with the advantage of sun at their backs. Lord Tucker laid out the strategy - there was also a healthy balance of trades and experience across the troops. Just before the first blows, there was much commotion and sabre rattling from the Sunbury ranks – they knew the importance of this clash to their entire Anglo campaign.

During the first salvos it became obvious that with sound tactics and application – ‘this was a battle that OC’s should win!’. The opening exchanges were frenetic, the OC infantry gained valuable territory, surging repeatedly at the heart of the Hampton ranks and almost breaking through the line several times. The Hampton defence continued to hold firm under great pressure, until, after some 20 minutes, the Hampton cavalry cleverly outflanked the OC masses, dealing a severe blow to the Cranleigh cause by almost wiping out the King’s special guard (1 – nil).

Cranleigh retreated, re-assembled and returned to the fray with continued hope, purpose and vigour, but still relying primarily on the energy and courage of their infantrymen. Once again OC made great territorial strides, but the threat of the Sunbury long-bow archers remained from afar. Half-way through the struggle OC delivered a vital blow, a well aimed volley of crOXObows, resulting in the Sunbury leader taking a bolt through the heart (1 – 1). The balance of power remained with Cranleigh through the rest of the day and the battle descended into a morass of blood and guts, but alas the determined foe just held their defensive structure.

Then - just as the sun was setting on the scene, another horse-backed Sunbury raiding party struck again at the beleaguered King’s guard. Sabres clashed and the King took a devastating fatal blow (2 – 1). The news spread quickly through the OC ranks and the retreat was sounded. The retreat minimised unnecessary casualties - Cranleigh re-grouped to assess the damage and re-fuel the unbowed, but weary troops. They would be back to fight another day! Nick Jocelyn


Veterans 5-0 Tunbridge Wells

Match report March 6 2010

Rory Alexander scored all four goals in a below-par performance against strugglers Southampton University, but it was enough to secure us a 4-2 victory which keeps us at the top of the table. The Ladies turned in an excellent display to beat second-placed Wimbledon, keeping our outside chance of promotion alive. The 3rd XI won 2-0 at Surrey Old Boys, while the 4th XI put their early-year goal famine behind them by trouncing Addiscombe 7-1, but the 2nd XI were on the receiving end of an 8-2 stuffing by Merton.

Southampton Uni 2-4 1st XI
As well as we performed last week this performance was poor and but for Rory's sharp shooting which bagged him all four and Paul's excellent debut in goal we would have been in trouble.

Southampton Uni may well be wondering how we are top and undefeated, but top and undefeated we are needing four points out of the 12 remaining on offer to confirm promotion. Today was probably as much as expecting to win and being too casual - something we talked about ahead of the game. A number of us were off our game and we were too slow in bringing the ball out of areas. Although we had the lion's share of possession we squandered chances, choosing the wrong option, and only won one short corner.

The half time score was 1-1, Rory deflecting home a cross from Wobble where we had brought the ball out from the right hand side, two touched it to the left with Wobble putting the ball into the D. In the first few minutes Cookiey and Hunts hammered a ball goalwards and Gavin was in good positions on a handful of occasions when wrong options were chosen. Ever dangerous on the break the Uni created some good chances but Paul was on hand to keep the goal intact making three top-drawer saves. There was however nothing he could do to prevent an equaliser 20 seconds from half time when the ball was given away by our defence two yards out.

Early in the second half we made the most of what the Uni thought was a fortuitous decision for our only short with their keeper making a Horlicks of Rory's shot and we were two up. Although we scored two more to go 4-1 up, Rory whipping home two shots from the top of the D, we were never comfortable in our play and gave the Uni a sniff with 8 minutes to go conceding another sloppy goal.

Fair to say that our attendance at training over the last few weeks has been poor and this is reflected in performances like today. We are too one dimensional and lack legs in certain parts of the pitch, both of which can be sorted by a more committed training regime.

Southampton seconds next week so will be interesting to see what team they put out. Do they bolster the 2s at the expense of the 1s to try and turn us over or ensure a strong first XI who are playing Wanderers to keep their promotion rather than title designs alive? David Knapp

Ladies XI 2-1 Wimbledon


2nd XI 2-8 Merton


Surrey Old Boys II 0-2 3rd XI
The 3XI drove down the A3, beyond Thames Ditton to the last game at The Varsity Centre which is due to be knocked down at the end of the season. Playing against a team that we dished out a 11-0 spanking to earlier this season, we had a strong line-up (and Jock) anticipating a challenging game.

The game started with confident play and solid movement of the ball through the team. Surrey old Boys (SOBs) however started picking up the game after 10 minutes and pushed the defence to some innovative play. Stu and Tim held the centre well and although some attacks were more threatening, it was Mr Hawes that kept the team in with a shout. It was however another attack that Tim 'twinkle-toes' Judd felt that using his feet instead of the stick to keep the ball out that Nigel really stepped up. A penalty flick, Nigel, theatrical to the point, deflected the flick away with his stick keeping the OCs in the game. The 1st half evolved with some better play in the last 10 minutes with CD holding the right defence and distributed the ball through to Tissy and the centre midfields, Armo and Bruce. Preston dropped back a little to provide a point man and the OCs started to control the end of the first half. In one of the attacks, a ball crossed in and SOBs defence weren't able to clear and another foot on the line. Preston stepped up and calming put the ball away into the right side. Half time.

The second half started with better play and the midfield started to have better control of the game. Although SOBs weren't giving up, the distribution and team work in the second half was greatly improved. SOBs attack however came with occassional breaks that the defence handled well but it was Mr Hawes that held his own and made several excellent clearances. Ross and Chaz were linking up well upfront and starting to move the ball quickly but a moment that no one likes to see, Stu in a shot at goal, shot from the back of the D and a SOB defended put his head onto the end of Stu's stick and came off the worse. Paramedics arrived, Jock told the injured man to man-up and off to Surrey A&E on a saturday afternoon. We wish the player all the best.

The midfield started to take control of the game in the final 5 minutes and some strong breaks played out and although a goal almost seemed inevitable, some excellent skills from Preston drew the keeper out to the ball, passed to Chaz whos sweep was going slightly off course and it was Ross from 2 inches that closed out the game with a 2-0 win. Man of the match, Nigel Hawes, DOTD was however Tim who turned up without a stick and shin pads! Whatever he thought was going to happen with these minor resources remains a mystery. A good win and well played to the OC defence, another clean sheet. James Armitage


4th XI 7-1 Addiscombe


Wimbledon Vets 0-2 Vets XI
OC Vets arrived in dribs and drabs for the evening fixture against Wimbledon in Motspur Park, somewhere north of Siberia. The footballers on the adjoining pitches had long since packed up and gone home before our game had even started. The setting sun dazzled for one half but gave out no warmth. We were cold before we even started, frost-bitten by half time and by the end had all sensation in our extremities. But nevertheless we left New Malden in good spirits, with the glow of satisfaction of a fine win warming our hearts.
There were eleven of us and about fifteen of them. We were blessed with the presence of Ollie, rock solid at the back and full of class. Shanks had another stormer between the sticks, and the spine of the team was strong; Trinder, Howie and Rowlands running midfield, were, as they always are, very very good. But above all we had Andrew Eve and Andrew, as the song goes, ‘well, he was something else’.

A rather scruffy first half came alive when Rowlands slipped his man, got down the line and knocked a dangerous ball to the top of an empty D. Eve, with a defender in close attendance, raced each other to the ball but the winner of that contest was emphatically our balding super-skipper. Arriving half a yard before his opponent he unleashed a fierce first-time shot from fifteen yards out that bulleted into the top right hand corner. The Wimbledon keeper was good enough to get a hand on it but the shot was too strong and, courtesy of this wonder-strike, we got to half time one up.

Very few of us listen to Andrew’s half time talks any more, but anyone who had would have heard him suggest that we have a ‘big first ten minutes and get a second goal’. Well ten goalless minutes of the second half were nearly up when Andy took it upon himself to implement his own half-time advice. Another dangerous OC attack looked to have been stifled as the ball was shovelled away from goal by a defender. Luckily for us it fell to the mighty Eve who smashed a bouncing ball just inside the far post. Eve 2 Wimbledon nil and for a while it was party-time.

Then with 10 minutes remaining our luck seemed to run out as our hairless hero decided to intercept a fast moving Wimbledon clearance. He charged at the oncoming ball just as a Wimbledon stick lifted it head high. There was a sickening, bony thud as the ball hit Eve square on the forehead opening up a deep, nasty and bloody wound. There then followed a period of intense medical activity (i.e. chaos) as various Vets demonstrated their caring skills. Trinder took charge but was tender, you might say almost maternal. Rowlands was enthusiastic but, with respect, largely incompetent, crowning his eccentric surgical efforts with an attempt to apply a large plaster without first removing it from the packet. The author of this report demonstrated a medieval ignorance of micro-biology and germs by producing and applying a grubby bandage that had been languishing in the bottom of his kit bag since 1997.

Thus was our beloved leader repaired and, bless him, was he was determined to play on Terry Butcher style, bloodied but unbowed. Common sense prevailed however and Wimbledon kindly lent us a player and we battled the last ten minutes, with Eve consigned to helpful remarks from the touchline.

Within seconds however Wimbledon won a flick and we all had that nasty feeling that the game might yet slip through our fingers. But we reckoned without Shanksy who leaped cat-like to his right post to beat out the well-placed stroke. It was a great save from our in-form keeper and much-needed. Our self-belief was thus restored and Wimbledon’s soon faded and we were able to keep them out until the final whistle.

This was a great win between two very evenly matched teams separated only by two moments of brilliance by the ever-young Andrew Eve. David Burles

Match report February 20 2010

A huge win for the 1st XI as they beat promotion-chasing Yateley 3-1, a result which puts us in a commanding position at the top of the table given Southampton's draw at bottom-placed Woking. The 3rd XI had a Jock Vickers goal 90 seconds from time to thank for earning them a 1-1 draw in an entertaining game against Horley, while the 4th XI also drew, 2-2 away at OMWs.

1st XI 3-1 Yateley
Click here for match photos
Three huge points in another entertaining encounter against a Yateley team who come and play good and aggressive hockey. A point behind having played a game more than us made this a must-win game for Yateley and certainly one they could not afford to lose. As it was we ran out winners scoring two key goals at points in the game where we were under pressure.

We dominated the first 20 minutes playing some excellent hockey but only had Cookiey's goal to show for our efforts, with his picking up a loose ball from a short that had broken down and coolly slotting the ball home by lifting it over the diving goalkeeper. Playing patient hockey we built from the back and posed constant threats down the flanks. The work rate was exceptional but we could not convert the chances we created so giving Yateley a sniff. A mix-up at the back enabled the away side to break and they should have made more of the chance. In between times Coops made two great saves to keep our noses in front. We perceived that the danger would come from the Yateley short corners but we managed to deal with the threat whilst not making the most of our corners.

As the first half entered the last 10 minutes we were being pinned in our own half as the pressure mounted, but a break out of defence saw the ball fall to Rory who used pace and strength to cut in and roll the ball under the advancing keeper, a goal against the run of play. The last play of the half ended with us winning a short and although Cookiey flicked the ball into the goal Woody was correctly adjudged to have used his body to bring the ball down before making the pass.

After the break Yateley continued to press giving us no time to build our attacks but we held firm until we conceded a short that Rob Lowe converted to bring Yateley back into the game and deservedly so. Coops continued to hold firm however but midway through the half we lost Danny to a yellow card for breaking play down and Yateley sensed they had a golden opportunity to draw level. As it was a superb ball from Rippers to Cookiey opend up the oppo's defence and a crashed ball was touched in by Knapp at the far post to make it 3-1. Two minutes later we were down to nine when Eds received a yellow but again the away side were unable to benefit as one of their players received a yellow for a similar offence. Arguably this card was harsh but gave us the fillip we needed.

Our defence prevented any further clear cut chances until 10 minutes from time but Coops was again on hand to thwart the oppo perhaps being fortunate as the ball lodged itself under his pads but seeing the decision going his way.

Aaron and Tony umpired what was a potentially tricky game very well although we probably had the best of the marginal decisions.

Probably the most encouraging aspect to come out of the season thus far are the performances of Cookiey and Rory who have taken their being dropped on the chin and come back with real character.

Always difficult to pick a man of the match after a team performance like today's but if there was one it had to be Coops.

Our win has also done Southampton a favour but with six games to go we cannot afford to be complacent. London Wayfarers at TD next week who will be another tough nut to crack.


OMWs 5-1 2nd XI
A very disappointing result, especially given our dominance in the first half. At times it has to be said that they seemed to want it more than us. If we want to stay in this league then we must win on Saturday. We beat Wanderers 3s 6-0 at home, but they’ll will put up much more of a fight this time - they beat London Eds 7-0 on Saturday. A further blow came with news that captain Rob merry is likely to miss the remainder of the season after sustaining a broken hand during the game.

3rd XI 1-1 Horley
An entertaining game played in a good spirit with more than enough goal-mouth action to keep a decent crowd entertained on a cold and sunny morning. Both sides showed some excellent touches, with the youthful Marshall brothers (Surely some mistake), playing together for the first time, in excellent form. We created some good chances, Simon Marshall going closest when his point-blank nudge was pushed wide and then creating another with a crisp angled ball across the D which somehow avoided all three OC strikers.

Horley were not short of opportunities either, forcing Nigel Hawes into several diving saves and even allowing him the chance to wipe out one of their forwards. His smirk as he feigned interested in the flattened striker’s welfare was clear even from the sidelines.

Horley looked more dangerous as the game wore on but our defence held firm, and in the middle Duncan, Armo and Bruce ran their socks off while Stu played well without ever threatening to run anything off. Horley took the lead when they finally converted a three-on-two ten minutes from time, and that appeared to have knocked the stuffing out of us as we followed with some of our worst hockey of the day. But with two minutes to go we won a short corner from which Jock Vickers dragged the ball from the top of the D and it ambled through a sea of sticks before apologetically puffing into the goal. He claimed topspin. Everyone else knew better.

OMWs 2-2 4th XI
It has been said that when John Terry chose which of his team-mates' wives to do the dirty with he should have ignored Wayne Bridge's WAG and looked no further than Mr Cole's. Not only is Cheryl a bastion of pop and judge of fine music, but she seems to be a lot more available these days ....

In the OC fourth team the incest is even more rife. The love triangle between the three captains (Dom, Harmer and Archer) has been hinted to before in this column. This week the news broke that Dom and Harmer had disappeared to Barcelona for the weekend, leaving Archer alone to lead the team. Not only was he alone, but a late 'sickie' text from Smeer left the team one short at 10am. (Sorry Smeer, hope you are feeling better).

Cometh the moment, cometh the man - and Andy Eve was there by 11am to save the day.

An arguable first goal (had it gone five yards, had it not, do we know the rules yet ... probably not) left us behind after 15 minutes. This was countered 20 minutes later with a bullet of a cross from Jonker that was deftly placed in the back of the net by Howy.

The second half went in a similar manner. This time, however, it was definitely a goal from OMW with a cunning short-corner routine. Again Howy was there soon after to equalise. Finishing at 2-2, it was probably a fair result.

The game at best could be described as scrappy and at worst it could be said that Tommy, Howy, Evo and a bunch of 14-year-olds on the opposition gave us a lesson in experience and skill.

Post-match cakes, however, were a fine array of baking. A night at the oven had produced a near Tesco standard of confectionary from Oxo.

Thanks to all everyone who made the game possible even though two of our captains have let us down this week by being on a 'mini' break. But similarly to John Terry, as long as they play well next week I expect all will be forgotten. Mark Oxbrough

Match report February 13 2010

A good week at the top end with the 1st remaining in a promotion spot after a 3-1 win over Epsom and the 2nd XI recording their first win of the year with a 3-0 victory over bottom side London Edwardians. The 3rd XI went down 0-3 at Epsom while the 4th XI paid dearly for a lack of a striker in losing 1-2 to Old Reigatians. The Vets drew 2-2 at St Albans.

Epsom 1-3 1st XI
As expected a tough game against an uncompromising Epsom side whose results had in the main been excellent since Christmas other than a drubbing from Yateley last week. Their recent performances and that of today belied their league position and they should surely retain their place in the league come April.

Great to see a Hampshire umpire controlling our game with the 2009 Loveland most-improved umpire Susie Redshaw at the other end, an award richly deserved. We were at last able to make the presentation to Susie in the Epsom club house after the game.

Fair to say we were slow out of the blocks having had a languid warm-up. We missed Hunter in the centre of the pitch even though Ripley and Nick Wood caused all sorts of problems in the middle especially towards the end of the game. Danny was solid and ensured that no ball was given away. The initial exchanges went our way but Epsom had the best early chances with Coops making two top-drawer saves at 0-0 whilst we failed to put the Epsom keeper under any pressure. We were guilty of not shooting when perhaps we should have and not capitalising on the good positions in which we found ourselves. Winning shorts is something we failed to do and so nearing half time it was anyone's game as Epsom looked dangerous on the break with our trying to force the game to too great an extent.

As it was we won our first corner three minutes from the break and Eds with his best strike of the season drilled the ball home albeit the line man deflecting the ball into the roof. Epsom felt the initial strike was too high but the umpires disagreed. Rory and Cookiey were again buzzing around and their hard work was paying dividends as the half progressed. Nick Wood made a series of strong runs through the heart of the Epsom defence but we only had the one goal to show at half time. James Wood was solid at left half.

The half time team talk centred around being tight and playing commercially so it was disappointing to concede a well worked Epsom goal early in the second period when we went to sleep. From here on we battered the Epsom defence but could not find a way through. Their keeper made an excellent double save at one of our shorts with the line man casually taking another Eds rocket off the line. As the game progressed Rippers and Woody drove through the top of the 25 setting up good plays and we started to win a number of shorts. Some of the Epsom tackling became desperate as we stuck to our task and eventually from our sixth short Rippers was on hand to fire in a rebound that touched Knappy's stick on the way in. Wobble can count himself unlucky in last week's game after two pushes on our aging forward who had unceremoniously been dumped on the ground went unpunished but Knapp had the last laugh scoring the third when unpicking the Epson sweeper who dwelt too long on the ball with six minutes to go, making the game safe.

Great performances from Rory and Cookiey both of whom have showed real character in bouncing back from the disappointment of being dropped to the seconds before Christmas. As always Cato and CB were tight at the back with the two Woods mopping up all that came their way.

Three very important points with Yateley up next week at TD. A massive game for both sides and let us hope that we bag the three points on offer. David Knapp

2nd XI 3-0 London Edwardians
This week's match photos
It may not have been a connoisseurs’ delight – Bertie, who had travelled from Merton to stand alone in the freezing cold to assess the umpires certainly had views on the quality – but there will be no complaints at our first win in three months to end a run of seven straight losses. Pretty it might not have been, but London Edwardians could have few complaints in a match they rarely looked like getting back into after two goals midway through the first half has settled our nerves. We controlled the first half, dominated the second, but somehow failed to add more than one after the break, while the rare Eds’ breaks were superbly snuffed out by the assured Jon Heard. The season could hinge on matches against teams either side of us over the next fortnight.

Epsom 3-0 3rd XI
Not wishing to use a cliche but it was definitely a game of two halves. In the first we turned up and looked really good everyone playing to their strengths and stroking the ball around nicely. Our new recruit Dan at left back put in a superb display (even if he did lower the average age of the team by a full two years). Unfortunately the 2nd half arrived, possibly our worst half of the season (mine definitely!!). This meant that our first-half 0-0 draw scenario (which should have been a better situation as we had plenty of opportunities), was changed into a 3-0 loss by the end. You will have to excuse me if I don't go into any greater detail. Hopefully next week we will get back our mojo and string together two good halves. Thanks go to Cooky for Umpiring for us. Nigel Hawes

4th XI 1-2 Old Reigatians
A cold day at TD saw the game start with just 10 men - fortunately on both sides. Some solid play in the centre of the pitch from Howard saw us build towards the opposition’s D on several occasions in the first half. As we continued to push forward the ORs picked up on a few uncharacteristic errors at the back giving them two soft goals in the first half, against the run of play. Not very often is Robin Crumby beaten when left one on one at the back – all credit to the ORs’ forward (No. 9). That said we rallied and a Nick Jocelyn buried the ball after some scrabbling following a short corner two minutes before the break.

At the half time break we had the usual rousing team talk from Dom – “only two goals needed and we win the match”. Wise words – but only if we could capitalise on them with accurate shooting. We surged forward and dominated possession for most of the second half, but our finishing made the goal drought – one in two months - understandable. A disallowed goal from another short corner (too high) and a few missed chances went begging across the D in front of the goal. To be fair the ORs’ keeper had a good game and kept them firmly locked down at the back.

So the final whistle came and another defeat (1-2) – the goal drought must clear up soon, I just pity the team that finally plays us when the floodgates finally open. Post-match white chocolate and cranberry cookies baked by Grant Archer slightly lifted the frustration. Grant Archer

St Albans 2-2 Veterans

Match reports January 30 2010

A last-minute goal from David Knapp helped the 1st XI draw 4-4 at third-placed Southampton, a result which leaves us in second with a game in hand on leaders Yateley. The Ladies also maintained their promotion push with a 1-1 draw at home to Purley Walcountians, but it was another disappointing day for the 2nd XI who went down 1-4 to leaders HAC. The 3rd XI game at Leatherhead was called off minutes before the start because of frost, while the 4th XI beat Old Georgians 1-0, their first goal in seven weeks. The Vets drew 2-2 at Cheam.

Southampton 1st XI 4-4 1st XI
Another tight game against Southampton but a result that is more use to us than for our hosts. Once again we could have come away with all three points, but so could Southampton.

Missing Rippers, DP played in the mid field role. We controlled the first 15 minutes without reward only to go one down against the run of play and having not made the most out of six short corners we had won before their first goal. For some reason our heads dropped a little and Southampton had their best spell of the first half in the ten minutes after they scored. We did however pull level when Johnny Hunter with his best drag-flick of the season scored.

We missed a couple of good chances in the second half and gave away a careless short corner which Southampton fortuitously squeezed home. At this point the game was going from end to end but we equalised with Danny's goal of the season and then took the lead when Cookiey slapped home a loose ball from the short from a tight angle which was an excellent finish. We then had a guilt edged chance to wrap up the game with 10 minutes to go but Knapp inexplicably put the ball wide when it was easier to score. Two more careless defensive errors gave Southhampton two more short corners that they converted, with the second of these and their fourth goal coming four minutes from the end.

We upped our game and with 30 seconds left, Knapp deflected home a short corner strike to give us a share of the points. Perhaps we were too anxious as we didn't play with the same control as last week but by not losing our destiny is still in our own hands. David Knapp


Ladies XI 1-1 Purley Walcountians
With snow on the ground on waking up, I thought it might be back to a boring Saturday with no hockey but luckily we got the go-ahead to play on the incredibly hard, concrete-style, astro. Good thing we had the skill to control the bouncing balls.

The game started with some argie bargie and protestations on umpire decisions from the opposition, which Martin dealt with in true form and nipped in the bud early. We came out hard, having been pysched up by Goalie. We pressurised Purley and kept pushing up. They had a couple of breakthroughs in the first half which Julia dealt with like a pro. Our constant high work rate paid off near the end of the first half when Gadget caught Nicki's eye and made a sweet pass from just outside the D which Nicki picked up and cleanly executed to put us 1-0 up.

Unfortunately a slight lapse in concentration in the first minute of the second half meant they quickly equalised with a slickly-taken goal. Though we had a large measure of play and there were several opportunities, including a cracking shot from Snoops, we couldn't capitalise on our strong hold. The game finished 1-1.

...oh and we musn't forget that during this battle Gadget took a green card not just for our team but for the oppo too when Martin finally got fed up of everyone ignoring the 5 yard rule...Cheers Gadget!! Sarah Tucker


2nd XI 1-4 HAC
Report to follow.

4th XI 1-0 Old Georgians
The now-traditional post-match cakes failed to materialise (Nick Aston’s spluttering excuses failed to convince anyone) and although the game was played in glorious sunshine, the rock-hard surface made controlling the ball hard and neither side came to terms with the conditions. There were only three shots all match, all from us. One midway through the first half was well saved by the OG keeper, but the second prouced the only goal when a short-corner strike was only half saved and Atsushi was the quickest to the rebound. We defended solidly, Steve Harmer, in an unfamiliar position up front failed to make his usual impact, but in the end it didn’t matter as we took the points. The goal was our first since December 12, but since then we haven’t conceded one either. An interesting stat until you remember the cold snap meant this was only our second game since then.

Cheam 2-2 Veterans
Report to follow.

Match reports January 23 2010

The 1st XI returned from the extended Christmas break with a 3-0 win over Wanderers to maintain the promotion chase, and the Ladies did likewise, a goal from Jax Waite 23 seconds from time helping them to a 3-2 win over Epsom. The 3rd XI went down 1-2 to Oxted in a tight game, while the 4th XI ground out a 0-0 draw at NPL.

1st XI 3-0 Wanderers
Without doubt our best all round performance of this and many years in a crucial game at the top. Wanderers have had the wood on us for three or so years but today we laid the ghost. We welcomed back Wobble and Mini C made his home debut in goal.

The most difficult decision of the day was the choice of Man of the Match with a number of candidates, Rippers eventually squeezing out good performances from Gavind, Danny and Cookiey, the latter showing what we missed against Andover before the break. My dick of the day award was decided on an off the pitch incident of some three weeks old but clearly now changes the voting criteria. Happy though to win 3-0 each week and win d of the d.

This result could however have been so different had Wanderers taken their chance in the fourth minute when it seemed easier to score than miss following a superb interchange of passes that cut us open. Indeed, we hardly touched the ball in the first five minutes but other than the one scare our defence was resolute and played with greater confidence than for a number of seasons. The games between us are always tight and hard fought and this was no exception with our two umpires blowing excellently throughout ensuring that a good game of hockey ensued. We began to dominate as the half went on and took the lead when Knapp was set up by Adair but we could not add to the one goal, not making the most of our corners. Wanderers pressed for the last five minutes of the half and won their one corner in the dying seconds but this was taken off the line.

The game was killed off by the 50th minute with two Hunter goals, the first from a powerful flick, well called by Eds and a tap in having again been set up by the impressive Adair. From our point of view it was crucial not to concede and this we did but should perhaps have added a fourth but we did squander a few chances. Cookiey was a thorn in the Wanderers side with his pace and Danny had his best game of the season so far. Wobble provided us with a get out at left half that we used well on a number of occasions.

Southampton next week so three more vital points at stake. David Knapp



Epsom 2-3 Ladies XI
As coach Andy Howell said afterwards, you need a bit of luck to go your way if you are to get promoted. That we won a hard-fought match with a goal from Jackie Waite in the final half minute might be vital at the end of the season, and it was certainly hard on a battling Epsom side who looked much better than bottom place. For the first quarter they were all over us, and deservedly went ahead, only for Vikki Mottram to level within 70 seconds. In the second half we gradually took more control and appeared to have broken Epsom's resistance when Katie put us ahead on 50 minutes, but within a minute Epsom were level, punishing some dreadful defending as we went to sleep. The draw appeared likely - we had chances, and on another day could have had two flicks - before Jackie's strike gave us the win.


3rd XI 1-2 Oxted
A well-fought match against a good Oxted side well worth their second place in the table. For the first 25 minutes we were under the cosh, struggling against slick and quick passing. It was not overly surprising when we went a goal down on a quarter of an hour, but DOug MacKenzie levelled, against the run of play and after a run through a pourous defence, two minutes before the break. The second half was much more even, and we survived a yellow carding for the goalkeeper who inexplicably kicked the ball five yards outside his D - the sight of a helmeted Jock Vickers as kicking back was enough to persuade Oxted to keep away. Oxted regained the lead ten minutes from time and held on with few alarms, helped by our inability to get any shorts on target. A fair result but a decent performance.


NPL 0-0 4th XI
Finally the snow has cleared and the second half of the season commenced for the 4th XI. A cold and damp morning was matched by equally drab surroundings for the game in Hounslow. Someone was even overheard referring to the grey concrete building next to the pitch as something that would not have looked out of place in Prisoner Cell Block H.

The seasonal festivities seeming long ago as we pushed back against a well-disciplined NPL side. A change to our formation created plenty of space, however this was utilised by both sides. Neither side really challenged the goalkeepers in the first half, a few short corners went begging and one strike on goal was neatly swept away by their keeper led us in to half time with no score on the board.

The second half brought strong displays from Robin “The Wall” Crumby at centre back ably assisted by Nick Aston and Kevin Smith presenting a strong back line preventing many of the NPL Bees counter attacks. Then a sprawling Steve Harmer got unlucky in his positioning on the back of a short corner giving away a penalty flick! Nigel Smith chose the right way to dive and once the ball finally dribbled up to him he cleared it away (fortunately not the sharpest of P-Flicks ever taken).

The final minutes saw wave after wave of attacks fizzling out in the oppo’s D and many counter attacks being shut out by our strong defence. An short corner nearly broke the deadlock with Nick Jocelyn’s bullet-like strike hitting the post and rebounding, with the follow up from Jamal also hitting the same post and bouncing away.

So a 0-0 draw was probably a fair reflection on the game, with either side having looked capable of sneaking a goal - but neither actually managing to do so…

Post-match cakes were provided courtesy of Jamal – (Death by Chocolate) – and as this was as close as the team got to warming-down it may even prove to be the case!

Room for improvement all round for next week. Grant Archer

Match reports December 12 2009

The 1st XI slipped up against Andover in the last game of the year, drawing 2-2 but still reaching halfway unbeaten and at the top of the league. The Ladies also bounced back from last week’s loss with a 5-1 win at distant Tulse Hill & Dulwich to reignite their promotion campaign. The 2nd XI finished a miserable first half of the season with a 0-5 loss to Oxted, but the 4th XI beat Aldershot and Farnham 3-1.

Andover 2-2 1st XI
Three months ago would we have settled for an unbeaten first half of the season with us topping the table? Yes, we would have. However our top position is possibly only until Southampton play their game in hand and by dropping two points today we have lost our cushion gained from the Wanderers results involving Southampton and OMWs. Two points certainly dropped but for the first time ever we reach Christmas unbeaten in the league, having won eight and drawn three. The league is still in our hands so at least we are not reliant on the other teams around us dropping points.

We could not have started better with a wonderful flowing move, a ball cracked in by Jonny H for Gavin to deflect home his 8th of the season. Criminally Andover were allowed to score an equaliser in minutes with what was an untidy goal from our perspective but all credit to a young Andover team who were not prepared to be rolled over. For the next 10 minutes the game became scrappy before we exerted some pressure, won a series of shorts and regained the lead when Rippers flicked home a well worked corner. From this point on we created chance after chance but the home keeper was in inspired form, saving well from Gavin and Knappy and dealing with the other six or seven corners we forced with ease.

Much of the same in the second half but even though we had 80% of the game Andover equalized scoring on the break with a swift interchange of passes that left James in goal stranded. Knapp and Adair again had vicious shots well saved and try as we might we could not force a way passed a resolute keeper. Another eight or more corners produced nowt, we lost out structure and for a period were guilty of trying to win the game as individuals instead of playing our usual fast passing game. Andover did look dangerous on the break when we over committed but we could and should have won.

Ten years ago we came down to Andover having won 10 out of 10, dominated from start to finish, came up against an inspired keeper and went away tail between our legs losing 4 - 3. At least this time we left Andover bloodied but unbeaten. Great defensive play from our hosts who fought hard and well when they could easily have rolled over. Yes, we missed a number of good chances and did not choose the right option in the D on occasions but we did play some top hockey and created a hatful of chances.

Not all doom and gloom with us still being the side to beat. David Knapp

2nd XI 0-5 Oxted


4th XI 3-1 Aldershot and Farnham
Warning - this report was written by the galloping medic, Steve Harmer
Friends, hockey players, country men, lend me your eyes!

In the words of Elton John, ‘the bitch, the bitch, the bitch is back, and stone cold sober as a matter of fact!’ That’s right, Harmer’s column returns this week to bring all its loyal readers, the best in social, political and hockey commentary. Go on, admit it, you have missed me!

It seems a life time ago since the start of the hockey season, when this column brought you the highlights of our season opener against the ladies team. From which a number of the 4th team concluded that we were going to be in for one hell of a trying season. The match was hard, laboured and as ugly as the off spring conceived from a one night stand between Wayne Rooney and Kerry Katona.

Thankfully dear reader, under the leadership of our carrot topped commander, Dom ‘Ginger Nuts’ Tucker. The ‘Mighty 4th Team’ have continued their Terry’s Chocolate Orange Revolution from last season and have charged up the league during October and November quicker than Simon Cowell sucking up to Cheryl Cole! ‘As we say in the Mighty 4TH team ‘The future is bright, the future is ginger (cake)’ and we have rarely found ourselves outside of the top four.


So this week, as you can imagine the pent up frustration from last week's match focused the squad’s minds ahead of our encounter against Aldershot and Farnham (A&F). In fact at one point we had so many players, the captain had to request one or two players step down. Thankfully Bish saw the light and realised that his wife might want him around to help move house this weekend, Crumby was dying from swine flu (we all know he ate too much cake as his son’s Starwars themed party last week!) and Adam found himself moved onto a different Surrey Police shift.

Unfortunately what brought most consternation, worry and fret between those chosen few that form the Mighty 4th Team squad was the injury to the OCHC club very own David Beckham. Steve ‘Golden Balls’ Harmer was scheduled to return after two weeks out due to his sponsor’s photo shoots in the Middle East and Caribbean. Alas due to an early morning automobile related incident outside of his South West London mansion on Tuesday, said Harmer found himself with an ankle injury. Due to a UK media injunction which came into effect on Friday night, the column cannot report on the details. However we can confirm that no fire hydrant was involved, Lady Harmer was not found holding a golf club over his body and there are absolutely no naked pictures of him with any blonde Las Vegas hostesses! Even with this considerable set back the Mighty 4th team were not worried as it was confirmed that Golden Balls would be on the touchline, prowling, gesticulating and directing like ‘Don’ Fabio Capello during an England international.

As the golden generation of players that form the Mighty 4th team assembled on the hallowed astro turf at Thames Ditton. We were joined by a number of lovely and charming ladies that form the core of the OC 4th’s WAGS, with special mention to Sarah who was attending her first hockey match ever after her engagement to Atsushi. The opposition brought two jail bait CHAV’s with them who spent most of the match smoking fags in the stands. Our WAGS were delighted to meet them, just as much as when they realised that winter had finally arrived, with the wind whipping across the playing fields making us all feel colder than a penguin’s chuff!


Complementing our existing squad players this week we were joined by the mercurial talents of James ‘Armo’ Armitage, Tommy ‘Gun’ Trinder and Howard ‘The’ Duck. Just like a fine wine, we had been well rested, decanted with care and ready to be enjoyed. Well apart from Nick Aston and Jamal that had been at Christmas parties the previous night and frankly smelt like mobile Stella Artois breweries!

The first half started with the Mighty 4TH team finding their feet in a busy midfield space however with the opposition only starting with 10 players we started to take advantage. Thankfully it was not long before some excellent passing between the midfield players down the left found the ball pinged across towards the right post with Howard finding the deft touch to put the ball round the stranded keeper.
At that point the flood gates should have opened however A&F held firm and somehow managed to snuff out all of our shots on goal. Credit has to go to their keeper who was a literal brick wall blocking multiple strikes from Jamal. As our frustration grew we started to lose our structure and concentration. This resulted in many of our midfield trying to dribble rather than pass their way up the pitch and not use the natural advantage of width.

In a rare counter attack by A&F, the ball evaded our backline (probably they were freezing cold due to lack of action) and somehow the ball ended up past Big Smith in goal. He was about as impressed as Mrs Tiger Woods reading the USA tabloid press. We managed to avoid any other disasters and came in at half time at 1 -1.

Reshuffling the pack at half time found Oxo returning to midfield, Atsushi finding a home at right back, Howard moving to central midfield with Tommy Trinder providing a wise head at right half. Smeer found space on the right wing and Nick J came into his own on the left touch line. Fabio would have been proud!

The second half was a lovely example of a full press by OC’s in the A&F half with the opposition rarely getting across the half way line. In fact, Grant Archer (at centre back) was so cold (as he had nothing to do) that he was signalling to his respective WAG to hand over her gloves. This request was met with a direct rebuff and Grant spent the last 30 minutes with his hand in his pockets.

Alas whatever we did, we just could not break down the A&F defence and slot one past the keeper. However as we maintained the constant pressure cracks began to appear with the opposition using more desperate tactics to prevent shots on target. On two occasions ‘Nurse Harmer’ was summoned from the sideline with a first aid kit and a bag of ice to attend to opposition players (we hope they recover soon).

To break the deadlock the OCHC touchline team decided to mix things up by subbing off Jamal, however he had one final magic trick up his sleeve before leaving the pitch and found himself at the top of the D in front of a charging keeper with space to shoot. He unleashed a strike with such power that if the A&F keeper had the temerity to get a body part in the way, then that limb would be removed with the ease of a hot knife going through butter. Alas the keeper did and nearly killed himself (I am not joking!) only to see Jamal pushing the rebound into the net.

From then on it was one way traffic with Oxo, Smeer, Armo, Howard and Tommy taking total control and all going close. At times the passing creativity and combinations of Stefano, Oxo and Nick J down the left were simply beautiful. Smeer went close several times before Nick J found the space to unleash a Louis Strover (supporting from the sidelines) type strike that flew past the keeper catching the top of the back board with a resounding crash.

At the final whistle, we had won the game 3 – 1 against a well drilled, motivated and competitive A&F side who we look forward to playing in the New Year. We celebrated after the match by feasting on homemade ‘White Chocolate & Macadamia Nut Muffins’ by Lady Harmer and Chocolate Chip Cookie by Sarah (fiancé of Atsushi).

Muffin recipe below.

Ingredients
• 2 1/2 cups biscuit and baking mix
• 1/2 cup sugar
• 3/4 cup coarsely chopped white chocolate chips
• 1/2 cup coarsely chopped macadamia nuts
• 3/4 cup half-and-half
• 3 tablespoons vegetable oil
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
• 1 large egg, lightly beaten

Directions
1. Combine baking mix and sugar in a large bowl; stir in chocolate and nuts. Make a well in center of mixture. Combine half-and-half and remaining 3 ingredients; add to dry ingredients, stirring just until dry ingredients are moistened.
2. Spoon into greased muffin pans, filling two-thirds full. Bake at 400° for 11 to 12 minutes or until a wooden pick inserted into center comes out clean. Remove from pans immediately
On behalf of the team, many thanks to Martin for umpiring and all those that supported on the side line Strover (and family), Tom Pollard, Rob Jonker’s, Chris Bents and our lovely WAGS Sarah, Sarah, Amy and Stephanie.
A well worked win that lifts us back to 4th in the league behind the leading pack. Next week, our last game before Christmas away at Oxted which should keep all of us away from present shopping.
So dear readers, we have come to the end of this match report, it has been emotional!
So good night beautiful people (not you Armo), may your god bless and see you in 2010!
Harmer’s Column signing off.


Tulse Hill & Dulwich 1-5 Ladies XI