Tortoise vs Hare 'The Rematch'

We are delighted to report that Preston Rutt’s second children’s book, Tortoise vs Hare 'The Rematch', has been published this month. This is the follow-up to his previous offering, Captain Yellowbelly the Tale of the Terrible Pirate. Reports the character of Yellowbelly was modelled on Christian Davies have always been denied.

One of the first reviews of Tortoise vs Hare 'The Rematch' said: “Reading it is easy as Rutt’s words are eloquent, while still simple, and he uses repetition, within a changing style and pace, very fluidly. It is a great night-time read, especially as the book ceases with the race narrator going to sleep himself, thus encouraging the reader to get some shut-eye too. A conclusion I enjoy in a book, as that is when we do the vast majority of our reading.”

Click here to buy this from Amazon. Preston will be available to sign copies during one of his many spells in the dugout recovering his breath.

Match report February 27 2010

The 1st XI eased over a potential banana skin with a rousing 6-0 win against London Wayfarers, and the 4th XI came away from University of Surrey with a 3-2 victory. But the 3rd XI went down to UCL 3-0 and the Vets, without a win in four months, were hammered 7-0 by Oxted.

1st XI 6-0 London Wayfarers
Click here for match photos
An interesting and frustrating week that ended with our biggest and most emphatic win of the season against London Weyfarers who had proved their ability in drawing two weeks ago with Yateley. In fact we scored one goal for each person at training on Wednesday.

Mumps for the skipper and work committments saw us down to 10 players on Thursday, including Coops with a bad back, until CV answered the call for a return to the fold and Jock agreed to sit on the bench. Thanks Jock, much appreciated. Apologies also to Rory who was Man of the Match last week and to Hunts who made a goal in October with credit going to someone else.

With the LW first team riding high in the Southern Premier B division this game was bound to prove a stern test and the first five minutes illustrated the benefit of guys training with their first team squad with the ball being knocked around with confidence and our not touching the ball whilst 20 or so passes were put together. Playing a formation we had not played for a few years prevented LW from making in roads and slowly but surely we came into the game.

The danger we created came predominantly down the flanks and our first goal came from an interchange down the right, a great run from man of the match Cookiey who drove down the by line and Rory was on hand to pop home the loose ball. LW still threatened but other than one short corner did not have any shots although Coops was alert to clear a ball that rolled through and which could have caused a problem. Their pressing was ultimately LWs undoing when we broke quickly, Hunts ( I can't remember who did release the ball but let's redress the balance ) released the ball up field to Rory who converted after a strong run, cutting inside and cracking the ball home. 2-0 at half time possibly flattered us with the third goal going to be the crucial one of the game.

Again we broke well out of defence and in stopping a through ball to Gavin illegally LW were reduced to 10 men, an advantage we used to our benefit with Knapp flicking home the ball from a well worked short corner, our second of the game. By this stage we dominant using the space created by hard running from our midfield and forwards and Rory scored his third being superbly set up by Cookiey. Our next short produced our fifth with Cookiey deservedly scoring the goal and with five to go fortune favoured Knapp whose miss-hit reverse stick shot looped over the keeper into the goal.

We could have had more but crucially kept a clean sheet and boosted our goal difference. This week we stuck to our second half plan and it paid dividends. The work rate was exceptional from everyone on the pitch and we fully deserved this big win.

Five games to go against teams in the lower half all of whom are desperately scrapping for points so no easy pickings. Southampton Uni next week who gave us a tough game back in November that we squeaked 4 - 3.

Old Georgians 2-0 Ladies XI
A Sunday match against a side languishing at the bottom of the table (the alternative offered was 5.30pm the day/evening before) coming into the match on a run of seven straight defeats during which time they scored four and conceded 21. On paper we should have won this with ease, but we failed to make the most of our chances while OGs scored from their two short corners.

Sarah Hills reports: "The game started off a little shaky, the pitch was very bouncy and the weather was extremely off putting. However shortly into the beginning of the match Manny hit an OG player with her stick, this gave us enough time for a quick team talk, back on side we pulled ourselves together and started playing as a team, with strong passes and good communication. The torrential rain finally stopped which aided our play and with us dominating the pitch we were definitely the better team.

"At half time the team gathered their thoughts and with a few minor adjustments to the team we were back on track to try and win the game. Back on the pitch we managed to gain some short corners, however the OG team and their spectators on the side line screamed and shouted as Rewa pushed off the back line, this was at times very distracting.

"Towards the end of the second half OGs gained two short corners which resulted in two goals, leaving the score 2-0 to OGs, this made us even more determined to get a goal before the game was over, with several attempts made to score we were unfortunately not able to do so."



Wanderers III 0-1 2nd XI
After last week’s disappointing loss (and to be frank utter capitulation in the second half) it was vital that we got back to winning ways against a resurgent Wanderers 3s – one place below us and therefore also in the relegation tussle. Last time we played them we won fairly easily (6-0) in the pouring rain but this time it was a very different side. The game started frenetically, both sides struggling to take control. The first clear cut chance fell to Wanderers but Paul Watson, who has looked better with each game he has played, made the first of a number of very sharp saves – denying them and keeping us in it.

We did look threatening when we played short balls – Andy Farquhar, another much improved player, showing silky skills up front and Neil Grimes looked a class above the rest as he consistently does. Half way through the first half both sides had missed chances with our back four and in particular Peter Jacobs and Jon Heard making important last ditch tackles. Nick Lewis injected pace throughout, and it was his quick thinking and crisp, accurate pass that picked out Jon Heard in acres of space on the left side from a free hit on the right touchline. Heardy crashed it in and we finished off, via the goalie’s helmet. 1-0 and so it remained at half time.

Last week, after being in total control the first half, we threw it away in second. Andy Selby, the stand-in skipper, made it clear that we would have to fight for it in the second half and then led from the front, man-marking their playmaker. The second half was a nervous watch from the touchline with sustained pressure from them and a couple more fine saves from Paul and the post denying Wanderers. They were still in our d when the 2 minutes was signalled but we managed to break and really should have converted a guilt edged 2 on 1 with the keeper. However that allowed us to camp up their end for the dying seconds and grab a vital victory. Our thanks to Preston who stood in for us at the last minute after we struggled to get an 11 out – not for the first time this season.

That said we now have a young side, who are improving and are increasingly enjoying their hockey – which bodes well for the season. We now lie 6 points above the relegation zone (although Wanderes have a game against their 2s, so we only effectively have a 3 points buffer). We have showed that we can cope in this league, despite some disappointing results, and as a young side finding our feet should be able to hold our own next year if we stay in this league.

Finally, congratulations to Chris Porter on his recent engagement to Jo Deacon (also an OC) – we expect to see a much calmer Ports on the pitch now!! We also wish Dodie, who has been much missed, all the best with his continued recovery. He hopes to be walking again by Easter and if all goes well back running by next November. Rob Merry


3rd XI 0-3 UCL


University of Surrey 2-3 4th XI
This week saw the Mighty 4th team take on bottom of the table strugglers University of Surrey seconds. But anyone expecting a 10-nil stroll in the Surrey sunshine was in for a surprise. Despite having shipped 60-plus goals this season, Surrey Uni were disciplined and not short of pace and talent. But as Herr Goebbels-Harmer ordained in his stirring pre-match oratory: ‘Meine Herren: Zey may haf six substitutes and der youth on their zide, but we have guile and experience. Never forget: “Erfahrung über Jugend, experience trumps youth, as I am fond of zaying zometimes”. Desperately short of goals since Christmas, spirits were further lifted by the return of all-time legend and 100-club super-star Tony ‘the tash’ Jones with the continued absence of last season’s top scorer Mr Louis Strover (injured), Bertie Bance (tax exile) and Smeer (traffic surfing and dodging articulated vehicles in the south-side massif).

Surrey started brightly setting up wave after wave of organised attacks featuring celebrity lookie-likees Napoleon-Dynamite and Fantasy Island’s very own pint-size manservant Tattoo (‘Hey boss, the plane is coming’). All thwarted by a solid first half performance by Stefano, Harmer and Kevin, with Howie, Sushi and Rob Jonker controlling the midfield and stifling some surging runs from Surrey’s playmakers.

We finished the first half with a two-goal lead thanks to short-corner conversions from Harmer and Howie but Surrey looked more than capable of pulling back that deficit and scoring on the break. The second half was well contested with end-to-end moves, including some mesmeric runs down the right from winger Dom and chances for Surrey requiring solid saves from Mr Smith. Surrey’s six-man bench were well used with rolling subs and fresh legs causing problems but ultimately confusing themselves as much as us. However, Surrey grabbed a goal from a thunderbolt strike from another short corner and the game was again finely balanced with Surrey pressing for an equaliser at 2-1.

But cometh the hour, cometh the man. Step forward Tony Jones at the near post to deflect an angled drive from the edge of the D into the roof of the net to restore our two goal advantage at 3-1. But with five minutes to go, Surrey raised their game again and scored from a short-corner scramble via the boot of yours truly, to make it 3-2. Cue frantic final 90 seconds with time enough for a final short corner for Surrey to level the score but not converted.

In the end, a good game, and 3-2 a fair result. The win takes the 4ths back to 5th in the table with 30 points after 18 games, just ahead of a chasing mid-table pack. Robin Crumby

Porter gets engaged

We are delighted to announce the engagement of 2nd XI lynchpin and tormentor of umpires Chris Porter to another OC, Jo Deacon.

Match report February 20 2010

A huge win for the 1st XI as they beat promotion-chasing Yateley 3-1, a result which puts us in a commanding position at the top of the table given Southampton's draw at bottom-placed Woking. The 3rd XI had a Jock Vickers goal 90 seconds from time to thank for earning them a 1-1 draw in an entertaining game against Horley, while the 4th XI also drew, 2-2 away at OMWs.

1st XI 3-1 Yateley
Click here for match photos
Three huge points in another entertaining encounter against a Yateley team who come and play good and aggressive hockey. A point behind having played a game more than us made this a must-win game for Yateley and certainly one they could not afford to lose. As it was we ran out winners scoring two key goals at points in the game where we were under pressure.

We dominated the first 20 minutes playing some excellent hockey but only had Cookiey's goal to show for our efforts, with his picking up a loose ball from a short that had broken down and coolly slotting the ball home by lifting it over the diving goalkeeper. Playing patient hockey we built from the back and posed constant threats down the flanks. The work rate was exceptional but we could not convert the chances we created so giving Yateley a sniff. A mix-up at the back enabled the away side to break and they should have made more of the chance. In between times Coops made two great saves to keep our noses in front. We perceived that the danger would come from the Yateley short corners but we managed to deal with the threat whilst not making the most of our corners.

As the first half entered the last 10 minutes we were being pinned in our own half as the pressure mounted, but a break out of defence saw the ball fall to Rory who used pace and strength to cut in and roll the ball under the advancing keeper, a goal against the run of play. The last play of the half ended with us winning a short and although Cookiey flicked the ball into the goal Woody was correctly adjudged to have used his body to bring the ball down before making the pass.

After the break Yateley continued to press giving us no time to build our attacks but we held firm until we conceded a short that Rob Lowe converted to bring Yateley back into the game and deservedly so. Coops continued to hold firm however but midway through the half we lost Danny to a yellow card for breaking play down and Yateley sensed they had a golden opportunity to draw level. As it was a superb ball from Rippers to Cookiey opend up the oppo's defence and a crashed ball was touched in by Knapp at the far post to make it 3-1. Two minutes later we were down to nine when Eds received a yellow but again the away side were unable to benefit as one of their players received a yellow for a similar offence. Arguably this card was harsh but gave us the fillip we needed.

Our defence prevented any further clear cut chances until 10 minutes from time but Coops was again on hand to thwart the oppo perhaps being fortunate as the ball lodged itself under his pads but seeing the decision going his way.

Aaron and Tony umpired what was a potentially tricky game very well although we probably had the best of the marginal decisions.

Probably the most encouraging aspect to come out of the season thus far are the performances of Cookiey and Rory who have taken their being dropped on the chin and come back with real character.

Always difficult to pick a man of the match after a team performance like today's but if there was one it had to be Coops.

Our win has also done Southampton a favour but with six games to go we cannot afford to be complacent. London Wayfarers at TD next week who will be another tough nut to crack.


OMWs 5-1 2nd XI
A very disappointing result, especially given our dominance in the first half. At times it has to be said that they seemed to want it more than us. If we want to stay in this league then we must win on Saturday. We beat Wanderers 3s 6-0 at home, but they’ll will put up much more of a fight this time - they beat London Eds 7-0 on Saturday. A further blow came with news that captain Rob merry is likely to miss the remainder of the season after sustaining a broken hand during the game.

3rd XI 1-1 Horley
An entertaining game played in a good spirit with more than enough goal-mouth action to keep a decent crowd entertained on a cold and sunny morning. Both sides showed some excellent touches, with the youthful Marshall brothers (Surely some mistake), playing together for the first time, in excellent form. We created some good chances, Simon Marshall going closest when his point-blank nudge was pushed wide and then creating another with a crisp angled ball across the D which somehow avoided all three OC strikers.

Horley were not short of opportunities either, forcing Nigel Hawes into several diving saves and even allowing him the chance to wipe out one of their forwards. His smirk as he feigned interested in the flattened striker’s welfare was clear even from the sidelines.

Horley looked more dangerous as the game wore on but our defence held firm, and in the middle Duncan, Armo and Bruce ran their socks off while Stu played well without ever threatening to run anything off. Horley took the lead when they finally converted a three-on-two ten minutes from time, and that appeared to have knocked the stuffing out of us as we followed with some of our worst hockey of the day. But with two minutes to go we won a short corner from which Jock Vickers dragged the ball from the top of the D and it ambled through a sea of sticks before apologetically puffing into the goal. He claimed topspin. Everyone else knew better.

OMWs 2-2 4th XI
It has been said that when John Terry chose which of his team-mates' wives to do the dirty with he should have ignored Wayne Bridge's WAG and looked no further than Mr Cole's. Not only is Cheryl a bastion of pop and judge of fine music, but she seems to be a lot more available these days ....

In the OC fourth team the incest is even more rife. The love triangle between the three captains (Dom, Harmer and Archer) has been hinted to before in this column. This week the news broke that Dom and Harmer had disappeared to Barcelona for the weekend, leaving Archer alone to lead the team. Not only was he alone, but a late 'sickie' text from Smeer left the team one short at 10am. (Sorry Smeer, hope you are feeling better).

Cometh the moment, cometh the man - and Andy Eve was there by 11am to save the day.

An arguable first goal (had it gone five yards, had it not, do we know the rules yet ... probably not) left us behind after 15 minutes. This was countered 20 minutes later with a bullet of a cross from Jonker that was deftly placed in the back of the net by Howy.

The second half went in a similar manner. This time, however, it was definitely a goal from OMW with a cunning short-corner routine. Again Howy was there soon after to equalise. Finishing at 2-2, it was probably a fair result.

The game at best could be described as scrappy and at worst it could be said that Tommy, Howy, Evo and a bunch of 14-year-olds on the opposition gave us a lesson in experience and skill.

Post-match cakes, however, were a fine array of baking. A night at the oven had produced a near Tesco standard of confectionary from Oxo.

Thanks to all everyone who made the game possible even though two of our captains have let us down this week by being on a 'mini' break. But similarly to John Terry, as long as they play well next week I expect all will be forgotten. Mark Oxbrough

Match report February 13 2010

A good week at the top end with the 1st remaining in a promotion spot after a 3-1 win over Epsom and the 2nd XI recording their first win of the year with a 3-0 victory over bottom side London Edwardians. The 3rd XI went down 0-3 at Epsom while the 4th XI paid dearly for a lack of a striker in losing 1-2 to Old Reigatians. The Vets drew 2-2 at St Albans.

Epsom 1-3 1st XI
As expected a tough game against an uncompromising Epsom side whose results had in the main been excellent since Christmas other than a drubbing from Yateley last week. Their recent performances and that of today belied their league position and they should surely retain their place in the league come April.

Great to see a Hampshire umpire controlling our game with the 2009 Loveland most-improved umpire Susie Redshaw at the other end, an award richly deserved. We were at last able to make the presentation to Susie in the Epsom club house after the game.

Fair to say we were slow out of the blocks having had a languid warm-up. We missed Hunter in the centre of the pitch even though Ripley and Nick Wood caused all sorts of problems in the middle especially towards the end of the game. Danny was solid and ensured that no ball was given away. The initial exchanges went our way but Epsom had the best early chances with Coops making two top-drawer saves at 0-0 whilst we failed to put the Epsom keeper under any pressure. We were guilty of not shooting when perhaps we should have and not capitalising on the good positions in which we found ourselves. Winning shorts is something we failed to do and so nearing half time it was anyone's game as Epsom looked dangerous on the break with our trying to force the game to too great an extent.

As it was we won our first corner three minutes from the break and Eds with his best strike of the season drilled the ball home albeit the line man deflecting the ball into the roof. Epsom felt the initial strike was too high but the umpires disagreed. Rory and Cookiey were again buzzing around and their hard work was paying dividends as the half progressed. Nick Wood made a series of strong runs through the heart of the Epsom defence but we only had the one goal to show at half time. James Wood was solid at left half.

The half time team talk centred around being tight and playing commercially so it was disappointing to concede a well worked Epsom goal early in the second period when we went to sleep. From here on we battered the Epsom defence but could not find a way through. Their keeper made an excellent double save at one of our shorts with the line man casually taking another Eds rocket off the line. As the game progressed Rippers and Woody drove through the top of the 25 setting up good plays and we started to win a number of shorts. Some of the Epsom tackling became desperate as we stuck to our task and eventually from our sixth short Rippers was on hand to fire in a rebound that touched Knappy's stick on the way in. Wobble can count himself unlucky in last week's game after two pushes on our aging forward who had unceremoniously been dumped on the ground went unpunished but Knapp had the last laugh scoring the third when unpicking the Epson sweeper who dwelt too long on the ball with six minutes to go, making the game safe.

Great performances from Rory and Cookiey both of whom have showed real character in bouncing back from the disappointment of being dropped to the seconds before Christmas. As always Cato and CB were tight at the back with the two Woods mopping up all that came their way.

Three very important points with Yateley up next week at TD. A massive game for both sides and let us hope that we bag the three points on offer. David Knapp

2nd XI 3-0 London Edwardians
This week's match photos
It may not have been a connoisseurs’ delight – Bertie, who had travelled from Merton to stand alone in the freezing cold to assess the umpires certainly had views on the quality – but there will be no complaints at our first win in three months to end a run of seven straight losses. Pretty it might not have been, but London Edwardians could have few complaints in a match they rarely looked like getting back into after two goals midway through the first half has settled our nerves. We controlled the first half, dominated the second, but somehow failed to add more than one after the break, while the rare Eds’ breaks were superbly snuffed out by the assured Jon Heard. The season could hinge on matches against teams either side of us over the next fortnight.

Epsom 3-0 3rd XI
Not wishing to use a cliche but it was definitely a game of two halves. In the first we turned up and looked really good everyone playing to their strengths and stroking the ball around nicely. Our new recruit Dan at left back put in a superb display (even if he did lower the average age of the team by a full two years). Unfortunately the 2nd half arrived, possibly our worst half of the season (mine definitely!!). This meant that our first-half 0-0 draw scenario (which should have been a better situation as we had plenty of opportunities), was changed into a 3-0 loss by the end. You will have to excuse me if I don't go into any greater detail. Hopefully next week we will get back our mojo and string together two good halves. Thanks go to Cooky for Umpiring for us. Nigel Hawes

4th XI 1-2 Old Reigatians
A cold day at TD saw the game start with just 10 men - fortunately on both sides. Some solid play in the centre of the pitch from Howard saw us build towards the opposition’s D on several occasions in the first half. As we continued to push forward the ORs picked up on a few uncharacteristic errors at the back giving them two soft goals in the first half, against the run of play. Not very often is Robin Crumby beaten when left one on one at the back – all credit to the ORs’ forward (No. 9). That said we rallied and a Nick Jocelyn buried the ball after some scrabbling following a short corner two minutes before the break.

At the half time break we had the usual rousing team talk from Dom – “only two goals needed and we win the match”. Wise words – but only if we could capitalise on them with accurate shooting. We surged forward and dominated possession for most of the second half, but our finishing made the goal drought – one in two months - understandable. A disallowed goal from another short corner (too high) and a few missed chances went begging across the D in front of the goal. To be fair the ORs’ keeper had a good game and kept them firmly locked down at the back.

So the final whistle came and another defeat (1-2) – the goal drought must clear up soon, I just pity the team that finally plays us when the floodgates finally open. Post-match white chocolate and cranberry cookies baked by Grant Archer slightly lifted the frustration. Grant Archer

St Albans 2-2 Veterans

Armitage gets engaged, Steele gets married

Belated congratulations to James Armitage on his engagement to Sarah Hickling while on holiday in South Africa over the New Year. Armitage, long regarded as one of the club’s great romantics, celebrated the occasion with an appropriate Facebook message. “Is about to spend months worth of savings on one piece of metal. Engagement ring sex better be awesome!” We’ll leave it at that.

Also congratulations to Stu Steele who quietly got married over the Christmas break to fellow Danes Hill-teacher Liz Barrett. Wisely, Stu doesn’t tell the world his innermost secrets.

Match report February 6 2010

The 1st XI maintained their promotion push with a 4-2 win over OMWs, a result only tarnished by the fifth red card in the club’s 1st XI history. The Ladies overcame two yellow cards of their own to beat a determined Cheam side 4-2, the 3rd XI defeated OMWs 2-1 but the 4th XI went down 0-2 at Leatherhead. The Vets lost 3-5 to Sevenoaks.

1st XI 4-2 OMWs
Another win against OMWs but as usual the match was a tight, physical and bad tempered game with a flurry of three yellow cards for the visitors and a somewhat harsh red for Wobble in the last minute.

Playing some good and sharp hockey we toyed with the oppo for the first 15 minutes passing the ball around and creating chances via the flanks but it was the introduction of Rory after 15 that saw us score two goals in quick time, both from Rory, popping home the first when set up in the middle of the D and deflecting home a Wobble cross a couple of minutes later. Cookiey rolled home our third five minutes before the break and we were well worth our three-goal half-time lead. Ross, making his 1st-team debut in goal, did not touch the ball with our being so dominant.

The half-time chat centred around our needing to kill off the second half early and not find ourselves 3 - 2 up in the last knockings. To a man we agreed and so decided to let them back in the game, OMWs converting a routine 2 v 1 against Ross and scoring a good individual effort shortly afterwards. Instead of playing the same disciplined game we had done up to half time we started to force passes and were undone. Fortunately the OMWs discipline let them down and they found themselves down to 9 players with our capitalising when Knapp deflected home a Rippers pass. This did kill off the result but unfortunately not the end of the fun. In the last minute Wobble was taken out and a short corner awarded, but an incensed Wobble pushed the OMWs offender and was handed a red card and the OMWs skipper a yellow. A disappointing end to a hard-fought win.

Highlight of the day was Knapp being called a thug by the first of the OMWs players to receive a yellow, an adjective not previously used in 33 years of club hockey when describing our 50 year old. Bring back National Service I say and toughen up these youngsters. David Knapp

Cheam 2-4 Ladies
A tough game against a side who looked much better than their lowly league position suggested, and three points earned the hard way. We took a while to settle on a bouncy pitch but took the lead when Vikki Mottram’s shot bounced out off a post, into a defender who inadvertently kicked it over the line. Cheam kept fighting – in the case of their No. 79 bandana woman, quite literally at times – and deserved an equaliser which came despite some excellent saves from Julia. With tackles getting more feisty, we drew the first yellow card, but undeterred regained the lead with a superb goal while down to ten men, only to concede an equaliser shortly afterwards. We went 3-2 up when back to 11, but soon after Jackie Waite became our second yellow for another spirited challenge. As Cheam pushed, our defence held firm and we sealed the win in the final few minutes. All that was left was for Snoopy to go within inches of a goal which would have had great significance. Before the start she promised if she didn’t score she would dive fully clothed into the pitchside outdoor pool. She was happy to keep her promise, but as she went to scale the fence it was noticed the spoilsports had covered the pool.


Old Whitgiftians 7-1 2nd XI
Report unlikely to follow.


3rd XI 2-1 OMWs
A match we deserved to win, and should have done by more. Two goals, one in each half, from Doug gained us the points. The OMWs equaliser was notable because of the objections lodged by the hapless OC defenders. With a hit taken from the dotted five-metre line, the OMW forward was allowed to dribble unchallenged into the D and fire home a shot past Nigel Hawes. Clearly this could not be anyone’s fault but the umpire, but their insistence that the aforementioned striker had not gone fie metres before shooting was some of the most desperate straw-clutching seen on a hockey pitch for many a year.

Leatherhead 2-0 4th XI
Report to follow


Veterans 3-5 Sevenoaks Shadows