Porter falls foul of the law

Spare a thought for Chris Porter, until last season the scourge of umpires but now a born-again good boy. Travelling to a match courtesy of Ken Livingstone�s favourite underground network, Porter was accosted at Earls Court by two of British Transport Police�s finest and ask where he was going clutching his hockey stick and kit bag. Clearly trained to sniff out Al Qaeda�s best-disguised henchmen, the two officers were not swayed by his unbelievable claim that he was �off to play hockey� and detained Porter for a good few minutes while they checked up on him (fortunately not with the Surrey Hockey Umpires Association who may have revealed that in some circumstances a stick in Porter�s hands could be deemed a dangerous weapon). Eventually, after satisfying themselves he was not out to overthrow democracy, they let him on his way with a caution and a lovely pink slip warning him about such subversive behaviour. Now, being serious, it makes you wonder not only what does constitute a weapon (a week later a man carrying a cricket ball to practice was cautioned as it constituted a threat �if he dropped it on a grandmother�s head�) and also what the entry level IQ for the British Transport Police. Several calls to ask for clarification remained unanswered, presumably because the BTP were busy arresting shoppers for carrying large bags on the underground during the Christmas period.